{good but hard}

you can send your gifts of crystal to me anytime

2012-02-01T23:38:00.000-08:00

dear oakland,

i still love you.

love,

the older version of me than the youngin' that first met you

fifteen years ago today, on february 1, 1997, i moved to this fair city.
15!
that's a long time!
we're talking crystal if you look at the traditional anniversary gifts,
so i look forward to some fantastic surprises in my mailbox.

yes, it's much maligned;
yes, it has its issues, but oakland is a wonderful city with so many hidden treasures. (that's what you don't read about when you are reading about violence and occupy oakland and all of the other headline grabbing stuff)
but
some of the best restaurants and coffee shops reside in the o.
some of my dearest friends and family live here.
some of my most favorite & defining moments have happened in this city.

i'd never lived anywhere for more than five years in my whole life until i moved here. i never imagined i'd still be here, but like the oak trees that grace oakland's logo, i've put my roots down here.

tonight i was describing how i feel about oakland- i think this place is little that person in everyone's family- you know, like the random uncle who dances like like a madman at weddings or your irrepressible baby sibling- who's a little crazy, maybe somewhat reckless, who keeps making bad decisions, but you love them anyway because they have all of these other great qualities. but then they go being irresponsible again and you roll your eyes in exasperation; just when you write them off for good, they remind you why you loved them in the first place. sometimes this city is up on a table, 3 drinks in when it's supposed to be daddy-daughter dance- that's all i'm saying.

happy 15th anniversary, oakland

(and to you too, amy & nancy, since we all stumbled into that house on benevides back in february 1997, young, footloose & fancy-free,

with a freaky landlord who had a penchant for leather vests and unbuttoned animal print shirts

and a house that threatened to slide down the hill into the creek at any moment.

oh, those were the good ole' days.

at this time of night 15 years ago i was probably standing in the middle of the hallway connecting our three rooms, while the two of you had long changed into pj's and hopped into your beds. some things never change- the household is all quiet, long asleep, and i'm wide awake)!

here's to 15 years of different addresses and zip codes, but one home.

short & sweet

2012-01-31T23:43:00.000-08:00

what, you say? you can't handle all of the posts i've been throwing out into the blogosphere? well, who knows how long it will last. as you know. sometimes i blog a lot, and sometimes...not so much.

i'm going to finish up the month with the last photos of the month.
hey, in the very least i stuck to a photo a day for the month of january!

{saturday}

saturday evening was our church community's annual crab feed,

which is held at the elk's lodge (hence this handsome fellow)

a couple of crab feed thoughts:

i don't eat creatures of the sea in any form,

so lucky me- i get chicken every year instead;

i also don't really like cake,

but i made a cake for the dessert auction, and oh my freaking goodness it was good!

like, really, really, you don't want to know how much butter was in it, good.

(want to know where i found it? i'll post it later with a picture with my less pretty version.)

{sunday (see here)}

{monday:}

husband rocked dinner- a simple, healthy & delicious miso soup

and today,

tuesday,

the last day of january

i'm once again on the road

with my girls

back & forth to school

(but full of gratitude for the help i got last week from matt's mom & sister

so that i could stay home and work on my studio!)

this is about 40 minutes into our morning commute, with 20-30 minutes left to go:

more work to do tonight,

but instead i am succumbing to the cozy lure of my bed upstairs.

night, all!

(for the record, i think this is the most posts i've ever done in a single month. yay me!)

sunday

2012-01-31T22:46:00.000-08:00

sunday

january 29, 2012

{a little daddy daughter coloring to bide our time before we got a little family lunch}

this perfect and peaceful moment is just before ruby chewed a hole in her styrofoam cup and water spilled all over the entire table, which, incidentally we were sharing with strangers. oh, never a dull moment- but lots of sweet ones like this one here.

my personal assistants

2012-01-30T13:36:00.000-08:00

these two lovely ladies took it upon themselves

to lick the spoon clean when i made a cake this weekend.

i'd say they're naturals...

awesome.

2012-01-30T09:38:00.000-08:00

my friend amy tells me that these are the following words i use all the time:

awesome. amazing. rad. true story.

matt would add in supercute as one of my favorite word choices as well.

i have no leg to stand on here, since I am guilty as charged.

of course you already know that since you read my blog.

that said, this picture of ruby that i stumbled upon is all of those things:

awesome. amazing. rad. and supercute.

true story.

(i apologize in advance to ruby who will discover this photo of herself

in all of her glory someday, and not be too pleased that i posted it on the internets.)

my husband hooks me up

2012-01-27T20:47:00.000-08:00

{friday, january 27, 2012}

i promise this is the last of my president of matt fan club posts for awhile.

a. because he never comments when i post about him

and

b. there's been enough about that around these parts lately

but.

one last post for now:

husband = my personal beverage concierge: from barista to mixologist.

a.m.

my morning coffee

p.m.

a delicious adult beverage

happy friday!

i want to remember

2012-01-27T20:44:00.000-08:00

thursday

january 26. 2012"the days are long but the years are short"

hop to it!

2012-01-27T20:40:00.000-08:00

wednesday

january 25

sneak peek of almost finished studio!matt's mom has been taking the girls in the mornings all week

so i could work on finishing my studio.

it is near impossible with little ones underfoot to get much done, as i'm sure many of you know.

behold the power of alone time!

remember my list from the beginning of the week?

let's revisit it, why don't we?

~~unpack all my art stuff~~
~~organize studio~~
~~workout every morning with my bff jillian~~
~~drink coffee (see? already done. look at me, taking names)~~
~~blog every day (ditto)~~
~~get girls up, dressed, fed & out the door with snacks & lunches (i'm so awesome. done, done & done.)~~
~~finish sketches for 3 upcoming papyrus commissions: anniversary, aunt birthday & mom to daughter birthday~~
finish inside card artwork & ~~envelope liner artwork for grandpa birthday card~~
come up with ~~some brilliant & wonderful mother's day card ideas~~ and sketches (due monday)
~~make 9 pieces of art for my mail art group & mail it out~~
~~do the dishes~~ (ok, to be honest, i know i only rocked this line item like one time, but i did do a lot of laundry & to be fair, matt is really the king of dishes in our house)
clean out art storage unit & get artwork photographed

i'd say the week has been successful, no?

no one is going to read or comment on this since i'm about to do three blog posts in a row and it's the weekend, but despite that, i'm pretty freaking proud of myself.

did you think i'd forgotten?

2012-01-26T09:44:00.000-08:00

dear birthday, you are the best.

even though another year means, well,

another year

of more wrinkles

grey hair

other assorted old person maladies,

it also means more wonderfulness.

last year matt made me a lovely little birthday dinner with friends,

which i loved,

so i asked for a repeat!

did you know that birthdays are an excuse for decorations?

(my friend anne hoppe always used to say,

"streamers make a party!")

so of course i had streamers

and also lots of candles!

and shiny sparkly garland things!

and confetti!

i had had time that day to do some crafting (my box of treats to have on hand to give as gifts was woefully low),

so i restocked it, plus put a little take home fanciness on the place setting!

decorations + friends + food= a party!
(note: there are no photos of an extra member of the party: little m. she REALLY wanted to come down & join us, so she kept creeping to the top of the stairs, whining for me, stalling, and trying to sneak down the stairs)

matt kind of outdid himself.

like, for reals.

nancy's husband keith came to sous chef & dishwash for a while, which was glorious.

here's the rundown!

i missed out on taking pictures of the appetizers & bread matt made,

but suffice it to say, they were good.

cream of cauliflower soup with homemade croutons & beet chips

(it's from thomas keller's ad hoc at home cookbook & you can find it here, among other places)

parsley salad

(ahem, note streamers)

helpful keith

homemade pasta with herbed ricotta & mushroom ragu

matt grilled pork chops in our fireplace!

crazy, right?

they were so good-

we had a lot left over so i was dining on the best pork chops ever all week.

he also made pickled onions & the most amazing potato gratin ever

the view from the kitchen

i put these up early in the week to have birthday shiny love all week long!

never underestimate the power of shiny, my friends.

matt made grapefruit campari sorbet in candied grapefruit "bowls" as a palette cleanser

(i told you my husband is crazy)

you know how i've raved about candy bar pie before?

matt made me one.

it only took him about three days,

and let me tell you,

i died.

so. good.

we had a little dessert toast

birthday, thanks for coming back around again!

yay for food, friends, my husband and birthdays!

hardly able to contain my excitement. yup, that's me.

2012-01-25T09:05:00.000-08:00

tuesday

january 23

i am finally (for the love)

unpacking and moving into my studio!

i will post pics, i promise, when i am all done.

here is a sneak peek as i began to unpack my books & magazines:(do you know that i first fell for matt because he had great books on his bookcase?

oh yes i did.

i didn't hurt that i also thought he was this cute, smart, alterno soccer player.

he also inadvertently wooed me with his top secret chocolate cookie recipe, which was amazing deliciousness.

{ahem, soooo secret that he didn't tell me what it was until we were on our honeymoon!

i'm not kidding.}

i was instantly smitten.

meanwhile,

he thought i was some random girl who told really long stories with no point.

ah, some things never change!)

last night i was up late working on a new papyrus project

and then on some art for my mail art club

(in progress below)

as i was working, i happened to start chatting online

with one of my very dearest friends from high school.

so good to talk for a long time.

(matt corrected me when i said we talked for an hour;

"it is not talking, it is chatting on the computer."

same difference- tomay-to, tomah-to.)

it made me think about history,

about having a past,

a rootedness in the thing or the people

that have come before this moment right now.

so i made four little paintings of twisted and unfurling roots.

sometimes one of the most lifegiving things for me

is re-connecting with friends

from long gone seasons of my life.

there is something about still being able to talk with people who knew you years ago;

even if your lives look radically different now,

there is a gift in having shared life in the past.

off to finish the studio!

(i can hardly believe it!)

can't even handle this awesomeness

2012-01-25T08:48:00.000-08:00

monday

january 23, 2012

on monday m did her first self portrait (that i know of)

notice her blinged out hand-

an artist has to have style, right?

here she is in all of her glory.

she told me those are her implants (see them on each side in the ear area)

and that the circle in the middle is, nope, not her mouth, but her "big belly."

the next one still had implants but- thank heavens- no big belly.

i love my daughter.

i love watching her draw.

i love that she sees herself with implants and that it is who she is.

a whole lotta love.

(speaking of love, can you believe i am posting multiple times this morning? loving the blog action? i kind of am.)

snuggle up

2012-01-25T08:40:00.000-08:00

sunday

january 22

sunday was a full day

ruby fell asleep on my friend andrea after church

and yet

miraculously

still took a very substantial nap

i snapped this as she fell asleep against me in the evening.

she just wanted to be held & snuggled

so i let her fall asleep in my arms instead of putting her in her crib to fall asleep

(i should've seen the signs at this point)

once she was sound asleep

i finally put her down in her crib

a couple of hours later she woke up

screaming

and with a temp

of 103.1

it was a long night

with a sick girl

calling "mama, mama" every so often from her crib

sweet girl

somehow there is nothing better than having your mom take care of you when you are sick,

and now i'm somebody's mom

getting ready to rumble in my studio

2012-01-24T08:23:00.000-08:00

matt's mom is here for the week to help me so i get some studio time,

so,

during the mornings this week

take these two lovely kiddos out of the picture,

and it's just me.

just (maybe) i often have unrealistic expectations for my time (insert my husband's laughter here and a sarcastic comment like "ya think?!"), and think i'm going to accomplish as much in 20 hours as someone like gwenyth paltrow does before breakfast. silly, silly me.

but hey, it's good to aspire, right?

on my list to get done between 7:30 am and 1 pm today through friday?

ok to be completely honest i'm not going to share my whole, entire completely unrealistic list, because you would just laugh, and i get enough of that from matt. (although seriously? he's the pot calling the kettle black, since he usually carries 49 books around with him at any given time, because he expects he'll have time to read them) i also like to add a few easy things to the list to feel accomplished right off the bat, you know what i'm saying?

unpack all my art stuff
organize studio
workout every morning with my bff jillian
drink coffee (see? already done. look at me, taking names)
blog every day (ditto)
get girls up, dressed, fed & out the door with snacks & lunches (i'm so awesome. done, done & done.)
finish sketches for 3 upcoming papyrus commissions: anniversary, aunt birthday & mom to daughter birthday
finish inside card artwork & envelope liner artwork for grandpa birthday card
come up with some brilliant & wonderful mother's day card ideas and sketches (due monday)
make 9 pieces of art for my mail art group & mail it out
do the dishes
clean out art storage unit & get artwork photographed

(my real list would also include things like finish christmas & birthday thank you notes, deep clean the house, hang artwork & mirrors, hang curtains in guest room, wash windows, organize closet, clean hall closet, etc etc)

we all know i'll get like two things done from my first list and nothing done from my unabridged list, but we all have to start somewhere, right?

off to take on the world!

working hard or hardly working

2012-01-23T08:54:00.001-08:00

a guy i worked with in college used to say to me that all the time. i always thought, "seriously? we are the same age. you sound like you are in your 40's." also, he thought he was pretty awesome so please inject that into the tone of his voice as he'd head into the office and smile like a politician & say "workin' hard or hardly working?" anyway, I digress.

january 22, 2012

two of my loves work side by side at the table:

rainy friday

2012-01-21T10:25:00.001-08:00

january 20, 2012

(ruby waiting to go outside)

in which a parent's heart breaks a little

2012-01-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

we have lots of talks with m about being deaf.

obviously she is in a category which is sort of in the middle of norms-

she is deaf but with her implants she hears.

but sometimes

she thinks that when she grows up she will have typical hearing and not have to wear implants.

sometimes she forgets that other people can still hear in the bathtub or in bed, unlike her.

sometimes she asks when ruby will have her surgery for implants.

so we bring it up in conversation often:

"remember how when you were born..."

plus we want her to have a solid identity knowing that her deafness is part of who she is,

so that as she is older and mainstreamed that if it comes up in conversation then she'll be ok.

sometimes there are just things that

make my heart go crunch.

and sometimes that i can tell make her heart go crunch too.

like over christmas

we went to this great park

that happened to have a super high slide.

we are pretty cautious with m's implants on plastic slides, because (rarely) static can build up and knock out the implant's program. once in a while (although it doesn't happen much now) the static essentially knocks out the internal component, and you have to have a new surgery. so, on really big slides, m takes off her implants and goes without. she is usually fine and could care less, since it is her normal. but what happens a lot is that strangers are talking to her while she is up there and she looks at them, trying to understand, or they call to her from behind and she doesn't hear them.

there was another family playing on this slide at the same time (you can see them in the picture hanging out.) their kids were younger than m, and were taking a very long time, so they kept shouting to m to pass them, to go ahead of their kids. m of course couldn't hear a word they were saying; she was standing behind them, waiting her turn. they kept calling and calling from the ground and one of the dads who was standing behind her was calling to her too. i was trying to get her attention and sign to her, but she wasn't looking down to see me.

finally i just said in a friendly voice, "it's ok. she can't hear you. she's deaf." they stared at me and said, "i'm so sorry" and as soon as their kids slid down headed to another part of the park. i suppose they could be saying "i'm sorry we were yelling up to your kid when we didn't know she was deaf" but it felt a lot more like "i'm so sorry she's deaf." to which i don't know how to respond.

m slid down, happy as can be and ran back up to go down again, and i smiled and waved at her even though the interaction had made me emotional and sad. sad that someone would say "i'm sorry your child is deaf", even though i don't know what i would say either if it was me.

and then today,
a rainy day,
m heads to her mainstream preschool,
which she loves.
matt took her, all suited up in her rain jacket and rainboots.
she can't go in the rain with her implants on.
but her little girlfriends that she always plays with wanted to go play outside in the rain.
matt and the director of the school were trying to figure out options for her- ways she could stay dry.

meanwhile m was getting really quiet and looking down at the ground. matt said it was one of those moments when she realizes that she is different - that she isn't just like her other friends who don't worry about expensive devices to help them hear. he could tell she was sad. he was sad too, fighting back tears in front of her.

three years old and so many expectations to advocate for herself, to be responsible for her equipment, to keep up with everyone else.

so one of those moments
trying to figure it all out:
we tell m that she is different, that she is deaf, that she will always be deaf! and that she is wonderful.

and then she experiences these moments in which she is different and it doesn't feel so wonderful.

sure - all kids, all grown-ups have these times of feeling left out or different from everyone else.
but that doesn't make it any easier on this mama's heart on this rainy morning.

i don't get it

2012-01-19T22:59:00.000-08:00

i want to eat her, she's so cute.

tonight, as i was half-way through reading a book to the girls, m interrupts me and says, "mom, i don't get this book." i was like, "you don't get it? what do you mean?" i thought maybe she had missed a word in her sentence or something. nope, she knew exactly what she was saying:

she repeats, "i don't get it, like i don't understand it. can we read something else instead?"

this falls into the category of when words come out of my daughter's mouth and they seem too grown up for her little three year old self.

this same category includes moments like when m says to ruby, "seriously? ruby, i need some space right now!" or "mom, debbie (ahem, one of her imaginary friends) saw that on facebook." um, what?! i don't think she even knows what facebook is, but somehow she's overheard conversation about it & now incorporates it into her pretend play.

ridic.

next thing she'll be slamming her door on me and texting her best friend about how annoying i am.

typical.

2012-01-19T15:46:00.001-08:00

january 19, 2012.
workout thwarted by children. so frustrating that when i'm actually motivated i get roadblocked in the form of two delightful girls, who suddenly need to play, interact and have non-stop physical contact with me. rad.

smartypants & snack attack

2012-01-19T14:20:00.000-08:00

january 18, 2012

another day= another morning at school.

wednesday was parent education at m's school.

i usually take a lot of notes

(especially today, since m's amazing therapist sharon was co-leading the session.

she is so, so experienced and fantastic.)

love it-

always so many tidbits to take home & use with both of my girls,

even though ruby doesn't have hearing loss.

i love the emphasis on cognition for language & development.

as another mom said yesterday,

"i never would've ended up here if my daughter didn't have hearing loss.

but i feel like this stuff is important for any parent with kids, right?

shouldn't all parents be learning this?"

yup- sometimes i am so grateful for how hearing loss has made me a better parent with more tools.

one of those things i never would have guessed i'd be saying!

notice ruby is always in the mix.

that's her with the saggy bottom in the middle of parent ed.

in the old days, or i should say, pre-ruby on the move days, parent ed was peaceful.

take notes, listen, comment, soak up wisdom.

now it is a little more like this:

take notes while rummaging through bag for ruby's snacks, climbing over other people's children to race after ruby when she escapes down the hallway every three minutes, grab the snacks ruby just stole from another child to give her her own food, comment, pull ruby's sippy cup out of another child's hands, find some new toys for ruby to play with, sip some coffee, scribble more notes, race back down the hallway...and so on for about an hour.

after school we head back to oakland

and

my girls eat lunch in the car.

which brings me to this question:

i am rocking kid lunches/snacks 5 days a week, as most of you probably are too.

any fun (but simple) food ideas i could use/steal from you?

(keep in mind that three of the days my kids are eating in the car

& that m rejects any meat/poultry situation)

i feel like we rock the same combinations week after week.

consider this your suggestion box & click on the comment link to give me some new ideas.

january 17, 2012

2012-01-18T20:22:00.000-08:00

morning:

ruby & i log a lot of hours hanging while m is at her school for the deaf.

i used to work all morning; i'd bring freelance with me, or blog.

now that ruby is all action all the time, our mornings may look less productive,

but we get to spend them together.

this shot is typical for us-

killing time with our families in the school's family center.

also typical?that backpack is not hers.

ruby is always stealing snacks or toys from other kids. awesome.

night:

crafty time!

m was star of the week at school,

so we made her poster last night

& she went up in front of the school today!

ah, so big girl, it's making my mama heart go crunch!

january 16, 2012

2012-01-16T14:41:00.000-08:00

january 16th

today we honor the life of dr. martin luther king jr. -

a brave man whose life was cut short.

i've written about him before;

his story is one that we often only know minimally,

although it is one that we naturally absorb because his legacy surrounds us.

still,

we often are missing many pieces of his life and of his work beyond the i have a dream speech.

today i went to a gathering that honored his life while also speaking about some of the enduring issues that king addressed.

it was moving

and

powerful.

people of different ages, ethnicities and socio-economic levels gathered in one room;

it was beautiful.

yet simultaneously so many reminders that our society still needs to work towards equality and justice for all god's children.

january 15, 2012

2012-01-16T14:31:00.000-08:00

january 15

birthday boxing day, as i like to call it

(why yes, in this house we celebrate birthday week, birthday eve and birthday boxing day- why not have as many excuses to celebrate as possible?)

from top to bottom:

*birthday decorations lining our diningroom wall

*day after candy bar pie that my sweet matt made me (it is like 7 different recipes- my husband is insane and awesome)

*delicious cupcakes from our friends steve and renetta (what's not to like about cupcakes showing up at your door?)

*sunday night cocktail

january 14, 2012

2012-01-16T14:25:00.000-08:00

(january 14

brunch,

husband + i,

camino restaurant, oakland)

january 14th

is my birthday

and i love my birthday,

which my husband knows

(as do all of you since i am not one to refrain from broadcasting my birthday love)

it was a very good day.

(primarily due to his thoughtfulness and planning)

so,

today's photo is of matt;

he makes me a better person,

he is incredibly thoughtful,

and as every year passes i love him more.

true story.

(p.s. i don't love my grey hairs and wrinkles more, but it kind of goes with the territory)

january 13, 2012

2012-01-14T08:41:00.001-08:00

(birthday eve succulents from my love)

january 12, 2012

2012-01-13T09:41:00.001-08:00

(birthday week bouquet from my friend katie)

m announced that the yellow gerber daisy was her favorite flower in the whole wide world.

do you own anything made in china?

2012-01-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

we all do, right?

take 60 minutes out of your day

and

listen to

this week's episode of this american life.

(you can stream it for free at this link or download it.)

usually i listen to this american life while i am working or cleaning the house.
this episode has me standing still in the center of the kitchen,
listening.
sometimes it is important to just stop and listen.

it will change your life.

or in the very least the way that you look at the crap you own.

and i am not being dramatic, my friends.

january 11, 2012

2012-01-11T10:29:00.001-08:00

wednesday morning

boot & shoe service

oakland.

(birthday week gifting

of a few free hours to

be still, write, think, pray, draw, drink coffee,

and

soak up a january morning)

i took a peek at what i wrote one year ago today and i posted this and this.

kind of funny- some things never change.

Outside my window...january is warm and sunny

I am thinking...of how i used to sit at cafes like this for hours, ruminating on life and art and scribbling in a journal

I am thankful for...birthday week!

From the kitchen...blueberries, plain yogurt & a handful of granola

I am wearing...a pale aqua long cardigan layered over a thin, long-sleeved grey shirt layered over a tank top, a black & white striped scarf my mom got me for christmas, grey skinny jeans and my favorite boots that matt bought me last year for christmas, and the bone earrings my parents bought me in south africa a few years ago

I am creating...space for myself

I am going...to spend the rest of the morning writing & thinking, instead of working or cleaning (which i what i feel like i should be doing, as a responsible person; i am rejecting that feeling in favor for what is actually good for me -and as a result - good for the people around me)

I am reading...mindy kaling's book. she is really funny.

I am hoping...to get my studio up and working by the end of the month

I am hearing...the espresso machine in the background, jazz over the speakers, the clink of spoons and plates, conversation from the guys working at the cafe

Around the house...groceries to put away (from yesterday- classy), laundry to fold, dishes to wash and dry, and a whole lotta playtime with the girls

One of my favorite things (actually a few of my favorite things)...getting mail, reading the newspaper in my bed on sunday afternoon before falling asleep for a nap, a clean house, lipgloss, being warm, a hug from my mom, the succulents i potted on our front steps, snuggling, opening presents, iced coffee

A few plans for the rest of the week: to savor the joys of this last year & to anticipate and hope for a new year, go a date with my husband, knock out some freelance, put away 46 loads of folded laundry, celebrate side-christmas with my roommates, and figure my crap out (that one might take a while, seeing as its taken 36 years so far)

a picture of one of these moments:

(succulents on our front steps)

january 9, 2012

2012-01-10T16:33:00.001-08:00

today on the way to school,

my little car hit 290,000 miles.

(no whammies, no whammies)

my goal is that my little 1996 toyota corolla makes it to 300, 000!

january 8, 2012

2012-01-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

january 8.

i live in a city.

this is at the foot of my driveway.

it's true;

there is a lot of brokenness: grit, violence, trash,

telephone poles and wires bisecting every open view of the sky,

graffiti, run-down houses.

sometimes

it wears you down.

but there is a lot of beauty too.

do you see that tiny bird

on the wire?

m and ruby and i watched for a long time yesterday as

she perched there & sang

before flitting to another wire.

best of 2011: butt kicking

2012-01-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

best of butt kicking workout:

* there is no comparison- jillian michael's.

no, this is not an infomercial for jillian.

no, i've never watched the biggest loser.

but jillian michaels of biggest loser fame also hawks lots of dvds.

ignore the cheesiness (there is plenty),

because jillian is effective.

for reals.

i did the above dvd in august

and it kicked my butt.

(for the record, it also kicked matt's athletically inclined butt.

yes, my sweet husband got suckered into doing a workout dvd with me;

that's how much he loves me.)

then i promptly took a hiatus for a couple of months.

i'm now in the process of getting ripped instead of shredded -

both words that i really think are kind of ridiculous to use when talking about exercise,

but hey- i'm willing to put up with the lingo when the workout works.

"don't phone it in"

"make the most of it"

"this is you time, baby"

that's right, i've memorized her catchphrases.

here i am yesterday, post workout.

no, not a flattering photo (at all, in fact i am wondering why i am posting it)

but a post-workout photo,

red as a tomato & sweaty as can be.

(p.s. my pushups are getting way better)

january 8, 2012

2012-01-08T22:19:00.001-08:00

sunday:

a few snippets

m's church clothes

(the plastic dress up shoes got left behind at home)

matt spent some afternoon time sanding down our table to remove

an awfully large & ugly red wine stain

(he was victorious!)

in an attempt to facilitate ruby's nap, m filled her crib with books

(update: 0 of my children napped today, so the book plan didn't really work)

yummy dinner with good friends

that's right,

it's sunday,

four photos instead of one.

january 7, 2012

2012-01-07T17:08:00.001-08:00

(sound asleep on the way home from a four year old birthday party)

best of 2011 __________ version

2012-01-07T16:34:00.000-08:00

themes are overrated.

here's a random best of, culled from this year's photos:

best stop off while driving the 101:

* enjoy cupcakes in los olivos. it is about 2 minutes of the freeway; the only tragic thing is when you stop off at, oh, around 9:58 am and they don't open until 11 am. just maybe that happened last week.

best secret yurt get away:

treebones in big sur.

husband earned a bazillion gold stars for orchestrating this surprise trip (including childcare & a massage for me- yay yay yay)

best yurt view:

best 20th anniversary shot in the head party for my brother johnny:

that would be this one.

yes, my brothers, mom & sister are rad.

i don't think i ever ended up blogging about this one, but it was one fun party,

marking 20 years of life since my brother was shot & survived.

best $10 vacation activity:

*daddy daughter canoe action on lake tahoe

best everyone-is-happy lunch spot for $3 a pop:

*gioia pizza in berkeley.

when in doubt or indecision? we head for gioia!

best messy while supercute faces:

best incorporation of a bowtie & beanie into wedding attire:

*brother aaron rocked this look at our friends' wedding this summer. well done, little brother.

best new tradition:

*matt & i call them art dinners. we'd talked about it for a while, but in january we hosted a big meal for some of my friends from grad school, and now there is a bi-monthly rotating meal. love these meals: good friends, good artists, good food, good drinks, good times.

best shirley temple action:

(notice m has mastered keeping her hair out of her beverage)

(as well as double straw goodness)

best wedding dance party:

*peter & connie's wedding/dance fest this summer. this wedding also tied for the wedding in which my family had the most roles, since m was a flower girl, i sang, and matt officiated.)

(how do you like these awesome moves?)

best big sister award:

*maybe she borders on bossy, but m is also quick to pass on a lot of lovin' to ruby. love hearing their laughter, chatter and silliness in the morning, when m climbs into ruby's crib.

best vacation spot:

* san diego, i don't like how far away you are, and that getting to you involves a really long drive, but once we are there? goodness all around.

best hair award:

*ruby steals the show & gets a little staticky

best show-stopping cake:

it's a tie!

*surprise heart cake gifted by brother

*the awesome (and delicious) rainbow cake i made for m's hearing birthday party

best temporary backyard:

*for matt's study leave in february we stayed out in the country, cows & all. so peaceful! so much sky! so different from our daily grind.

best pseudo sister award:

lily & m are both deaf and both have implants. they've gone to school together since they were itty bitty & they share a lot in common: they are both strong-willed, chatty big sisters with a penchant for fancy sparklyness, drama & treats! they go around declaring that they are sisters. melts my heart every time, i tell you!

best deaf victory:

* this summer we mastered waterproofing & keeping one of m's implants on when she swims. oh for the love, it was painful and not a fun journey (i'll spare you the details, but it was really one of my least favorite deaf moments), but we survived! now m can hear us in the water: she's happy and so are we.

best captured sunset watching moment:

*ruby & daddy

best u2 concert seats:

*front row ones, naturally

best bouquet from husband:

* valentine's day ranunculas. love.

admittedly this was a super random best of.

thanks for humoring me.

any random best moments you'd like to share?

january 6, 2012

2012-01-06T11:41:00.001-08:00

m at school +

ruby taking a morning nap

(which i will mourn this afternoon when she doesn't nap) =

time for me to work

a quiet morning

and a latte at my desk

january 5, 2012

2012-01-05T08:17:00.001-08:00

aunt chrissy took m down to school

so i have the morning

with ruby

and today that means

starting the day

with bathtime

january 4, 2012

2012-01-04T20:45:00.001-08:00

out of the laundry room window

where i spent a significant portion of today,

(as always it feels)

as the girls played school

climbed on the bed

"read"

watched the clothes spin in the washer

drew

and undid much of what i was doing,

(but their laughter & innocence saved them from me getting too frustrated, lucky little girls!)

(have you noticed that i am attempting to a photo a day this year? we'll see how long it lasts.)

best of 2011 (domesticated version)

2012-01-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

sort of random, but really a home sweet home best of:

best (simple yet effective) around-the-house tips that made my house cleaner in 2011:

*i discovered this on vacation, when somehow the plastic detergent measuring cup showed up in every load of clothes our friends kim and jeremy did. aha! they throw their liquid detergent scoop in the laundry every time they do a load. that way the scoop doesn't get all gunky and you use every last drop of the detergent. maybe y'all knew about this one too, but i didn't. no more sticky nasty detergent residue in the little plastic cup, which somehow is immensely satifying.

* i spotted this on pinterest and love it: using a magazine file to store foil, baggies, and plastic wrap. instead of an avalanche of differently sized boxes spilling out, they are nicely contained & neat.

best newly organized spot in my house:
we have a weird little nook off of our kitchen that was not really being used well. when we cleared out our third bedroom downstairs (that was doubling as an office) so that someone could live with us, i switched the nook into an office & i turned the closet into storage for files & supplies. so much more tidy & organized. (the trick for me is always maintaining these brilliant new systems, since that is not my strength.)

best backyard activity:

our holi fight! so fun, so messy, so colorful.

best renovation project:
we had lots of hurdles, but i love you, studio. (thanks, husband and all of the helpers that made it happen)
before:

(almost all the way) after:

(actually, since i took these pictures matt also sealed and painted the floors, covered the outlets and did some final fixer upping and we moved my stuff in, so i'll have to post the real final soon)

my favorite but many of our neighbors least favorite home renovation project:

matt painted our house- dark charcoal with dark trim. is isn't for everyone, but we love it. so there, neighbors who said, "wow, well, at least it will fade" or "i've never really seen a house color like that before" or "are you at least going to make the trim color light?"

before:

after:

hands down best contributor to making my house visions come to life by doing all of the work:
husband.

runner-up:
brother aaron, who always comes over to help the cause! any cause, really. my brother is a rallier if there ever was one.

oh, and also? he's funny.

guess what else = awesome?

comments.

bring it.

january 3, 2012

2012-01-03T16:55:00.001-08:00

i really should have a photo of the empty parking lot of m's school this morning. whoops, forgot to check the school calendar and drove the hour to school for naught. instead of school we got impromptu chocolate donuts with sprinkles and spent a couple of hours with friends, dress up clothes and engaged in silliness.

instead you get a photo of first thing this morning -too early- when i crawled out of bed to rouse my sleeping children for school.

january 2, 2012

2012-01-02T23:11:00.001-08:00

january 2.

january 1, 2012

2012-01-02T23:09:00.001-08:00

january 1.

(taken by ruby, my 19 month old photographer.
true story.)

best of 2011 (the media edition)

2012-01-02T14:58:00.000-08:00

oh, back in the day when i had one child, and somehow much less on my plate, or maybe i was just more on top of this blog, i rolled out the best of in december.

suffice it to say, happy new year- and here are some best of's in january!

there may be more than one in each category, because a. i am a very indecisive person and b. more = better in this case, and also in the case of homemade caramel.

sidenote: no judgieness regarding my categories or bests. for instance: yes, there are a lot of tv shows on here; that's because i work until 2 or 3 in the morning and i have to have something on in the background so i'll stay awake. really.

best mindless tv show:

* modern family

* up all night (ok, not as funny, but still funny, especially if small humans inhabit your house)

* grey's anatomy (seriously, don't judge. this season really has been better- and look at the title of this category if you think i'm shallow)

* once upon a time- i just started watching this the last time i had a freelance deadline, and hey, it's kind of addictive background action.

best tv show that also simultaneously makes me cry every time:

* parenthood (why doesn't this show get more recognition? is it because lauren graham is relegated to being on shows that have a cult following but low ratings? {ahem, gilmore girls} i love the characters, plots, everything. i may be biased because i, too, come from a family with 4 kids, two boys and two girls. but still, good stuff.)

best cookbooks my husband bought me:

mark bittman's the food matters cookbook- i love bittman's how to cook everything, which i got ten years ago. love this diverse, veggie heavy cookbook; it isn't a vegetarian cookbook, but it is full of great recipes that are veggie dense.

milk bar cookbook- i haven't made any of these recipes yet (since i just got this for christmas) and admittedly, some are really complicated...but still. must.make.candy.bar.pie.in.2012.

best movies (granted, i didn't see that many movies, but these would still be at the top of my list):

these movies are very different from each other, but both are in some ways about what a family is, and how the people who make up your family are in the end more important than possessions, income, or most other things.

* win-win

* the descendants (this is also one of the only times, aside from 80's episodes of the facts of life, that george clooney looks dorky)

best movie that i watched in the theatre with my friend amy & almost peed my pants and her water almost broke, it was that funny and then watched it on dvd with my husband while he laughed more at me laughing than he did at the actual movie (even though i think he is ridiculous because this movie is so funny):

* bridesmaids. seriously, the scene with the car?

best book that i read with our book club before we kind of fell apart:

cutting for stone by abraham verghese. beautiful, complex & worth all 560 pages.

best book that i haven't read yet but i know will be hilarious, and probably similar to bridesmaids: i'll laugh the whole way through and matt will think the funniest part is watching me read it:

is everyone hanging out without me? by mindy kaling- yeah, you know, the girl from the office. she's funny, people.

best completely shallow but awesome waste of time that showed up in my mailbox every week:

if you've been reading this blog for very long, you know that i have a slight proclivity for celebrity trash. last january my sister-in-law robyn gifted me with a subscription to us weekly for my birthday. aside from the fact that i wonder what it means that i try to hide the issues from my daughters, it was a pretty great day when my weekly dose of vacuous escapism showed up.

best new way to fritter away hours online:
look and see. ok, maybe it was just me, but i loved this site (once you start, you can't stop!)

how about you?

what were some of your best of's in these categories?

(don't worry, the comment section is a judgement free zone)

ramblings of a thirtysomething (& i used to think that was old)

2011-12-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

this morning my mother-in-law asked me how i decide what to blog about, and i said, "ummm....i don't know." and really, i don't. a lot of it depends on whether i've taken photos of life lately, or whether i've been waxing philosophical, or whether i've skipped a lot of life on the blog lately and am just trying to catch up.

these days my intention are to blog, but they are also (besides covering the bases of mommying & wifeing & working) to work out, to keep our house in some semblance of order, to make art, to cook, and so on... usually when i am talking about blogging and i say that i am behind on my blog, the person i'm talking to will tell me something along the lines of, "you shouldn't feel pressure to blog; you have plenty of other stuff on your plate." true and true.

but blogging is also good for me, in that it gives me some kind of space that belongs to just me. there are no guest bloggers on here; (a. because who would want to guest blog for me anyway and b. because that would entail having enough readers for a guest blogger. my smattering of followers can exercise patience, thank you very much!) this space has me written all over it in its randomness. these days, having a space that belongs just to me is more important than ever. yes, i am super-extrovert. but i also have less and less time that is mine alone, without a small human pulling on me or calling 'mama!' or undoing something i've just done. so, my friends, blogging, even when it falls by the wayside, is good for me.

(here i am, deep in thought,

and this photo goes out to daphne,

who says i always post pictures of everyone else but myself.)

so i started this post not knowing what to post about today (typical) and i guess it is about this in the end: for a long time i thought i'd have life figured out by the time i was 20 or 25 or 30 or 35. guess what, i'm 36 and i still don't know what's next, even in my blog. life keeps changing; i keep changing. i keep thinking, failing, retrying, hoping, and wishing i was better at about 43 different things. i was scrolling through all of the photos i've taken this year (there are so many i don't even know where to start) and i was reminded of so many little moments i'd forgotten already. but somehow, those moments are part of me and part of who i am becoming.

(also, just for you daphne,)

here i am with the three people who are helping me figure out my crap the most,

whether they like it or not:

hey, this post is timely if you celebrate magi style

2011-12-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

(after all, the kings didn't show up until jesus was a toddler, y'all)

last year matt & i decided that we wanted to begin an annual tradition of our kids (and our friends' kids) acting out the nativity story. (i didn't blog about it last year, but my friend amy captured it here if you want to take a peek.) it is not super structured, more of the idea is for the kids to learn the story by acting it out and having it become a part of their own celebration of christmas. there are no set parts- if we have a couple of marys, then so be it (although last year the magi seemed to be hot ticket characters and this year we had quite a few angels). parents can help their kids by walking them through the story as we act it out, or by being one of the characters too.

one of the shepherds (my mom) intermingles with a wise king (my niece) before we start

our wandering minstrels practice

and then we are off!

matt narrated the story and we all set off to find baby jesus.

first we stopped at one inn...

"there is no room in the inn!"

and then we tried another inn...

"there is no room at the inn! but you can crash over there"

the innkeeper shows mary where she can rest

and a short while later

baby jesus is born!

joseph keeps watch over him

and the young family poses in the hay

post-birth we sang away in the manger

mary & joseph bonded with their baby while an angel took up residence behind them

the lo & behold the heavenly hosts came to the shepherds to give them

the crazy good news about baby jesus

even the sheep think it's good news

some of the shepherds are in disbelief but they go to visit baby jesus

the angel takes up a post in front of the baby's manger

after the inn-keeper attacks baby jesus with hay & needs a time-out on the outskirts of bethlehem

we sing some more songs & a couple of years pass...

some kings come from the east looking for jesus

we see a star!

and find him...

and then we escape king herod by a back way,

that includes singing some more &

decorating cookies shaped like the nativity

a 3 year old's version of decorating a cookie

one of the angels partakes of a little sustenance

(you can watch the short video here if my play-by-play pictures didn't suck you in:)

we re-enacted the story again on christmas eve and christmas,

and m knew everything that was happening and what came next in the story.

i love that each time we do this

it is kind of unorganized, a mess of random characters and a bit of confusion,

because really - that is probably how the first christmas really was.

awesome.

2011-12-20T15:41:00.000-08:00

my husband gave in and put up christmas lights!

behold the power of a 3 1/2 year old daughter on her daddy.

just saying.

snapshot

2011-12-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

round here in photo form

sometimes dreams come true

2011-12-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

and people who you know are reading decide to comment.

i know, i know,

comments don't really matter,

but maybe it is because i am an inherently social extrovert

that your comments make blogging even more fun.

get your bake on

2011-12-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

remember this tradition?

well, it's december again, so time to do it again!

(as my friend travis used to say about photos: same people, same poses, different background.)

on your mark,

get set,

go!

yes, i made amy pose with sour cream.

sally, amy's mom, hard at work
while nancy & i pose
(we are far less productive on these bake days than amy & sally. true story.)

yum yum

you see that tray of almond roca?
you might as well call it crack, because it's that good.

the cookie pictures are prettier than the ones of tired moms, but i'll included one anyway:

we tried to introduce baby samuel to the joys of chocolate

then we frosted while watching glee
(don't judge)
(sidenote: i wasn't really into glee anymore and then i watched the last couple of episodes and it kind of redeemed itself. note to ryan murphy- showtunes? boring. showtunes & old ballads from 1935 = me not watching your show.)

our lucky neighbors and m's teachers and therapist got all of the treats, except for the ones matt managed to sneak.
hooray for treats!

subpost:
on our way home, i stopped in amy's parents yard to grab a pic of baby Jesus & family.
i like how tired and beat down mary and joseph look.
probably pretty accurate, right?!

2011-12-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

sometimes the very best moments in my day

are the most

mundane,

quiet

ones.

the ones that you forget pretty quickly

because they are overshadowed by

everything else that makes up a day.

quite honestly

i tend to miss them if i don't remember to slow down.

so tonight,

long after ruby had gone to sleep,

i combed monrovia's hair for almost an hour.

her curls are a little crazy so i held her in my lap and

over

and over

pulled out all of her tangles

(and when i say tangles, imagine dreads, because that, my friends,

is what was matted underneath the top layer of her hair. true story.)

as gently as i could.

at first she fought me,

and then she sat still in front of me

until i was done,

her hair was braided

and it was time to go to sleep.

all i can think now is how much i love her:

her wit and sass, her spunk and sweetness, her laughter,

her impromptu songs and land of pretend, her generosity and kindness,

her little self plopped in my lap.

i want to write this little snippet of time onto my memory

in a place i won't forget -

sitting with her,

just the two of us,

at the end of the day.

serious double trouble

2011-12-07T14:53:00.000-08:00

i love that my daughter has friends
with hearing loss.

it kind of makes my day to see this picture
of her in class with her friend lily,
who has bilateral cochlear implants just like monrovia.
who was born totally deaf just like monrovia.
who is a complete delight & handful, just like monrovia.
who apparently likes to bake pretend christmas cookies with scented play doh, just like monrovia.

my heart goes crunch a little to imagine
when these girls don't see each other in class every day.
but in the meantime,
how awesome is this
glimpse of two very happy (deaf but hearing) friends?

a bit of a departure

2011-12-04T09:09:00.001-08:00

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul.” John Muir

on the day after thanksgiving we opted out of the black friday madness (except perhaps for the speedy online purchase of a very cute rug at anthropologie i made at 6 in the morning) and decided to go to muir woods.

being in the midst of so much beauty and stillness is quite remarkable.

good for us & good for our daughters too

to slow down

observe

be quiet

examine

listen

(good for the soul)

24 hour lieface

2011-12-02T22:39:00.001-08:00

today is my uncle martin's birthday (happy birthday!)

i always think of my uncle saying, "twenty-four-hour-lie-face" when you are stretching the truth or fibbing or straight up lying. it's kind of funny, right? i've stolen it.

so, here i am, on his birthday, guilty of being a twenty four hour lie face.

i was big talk last week, telling some friends that i missed blogging, and that to feed that part of my creative self i would be writing every day on this blog.

whoopsie! well, you win some and you lose some. {in fact as matt spots me blogging right now he says, "what? you're blogging? so much for every day blogging."}

it's friday. it's been a freaking long week. i'm about to crash. but i just hung some of the snowflakes i cut out today and they are so pretty & they make me happy. so this twenty-four-hour-lie-face is also feeling crafty. in a martha stewart way and not a tricky wicky way.

(thank you internets for online snowflakes how-to's)

happy weekend!

honest truth

2011-12-01T15:29:00.001-08:00

i love these two,

with all of my being.

but as i scour this year's photos, trying to find any cute family photos- it doesn't even have to be of all of us-i come up empty!

ok, specifically, a family photo where all of us look cute.

including me.

and that is somehow impossible!

and i'll tell you why:

dark circles under my eyes?
check.
wrinkles?
check.
blah hair and no makeup?
check and check.
skin spots thanks to m & r's pregnancies?
check.

being a mom=being hit with the ugly stick.

true story.

it's that time of year...

2011-11-30T22:12:00.001-08:00

last year we did an experiential advent calendar for the first time! plus, my sister handmade the girls a really cute magnet advent calendar that we stuck up on the girls lockers in their room (yes, they have lockers). i'm whipping both out again this year, although i reconfigured my activities one, because it wasn't as usable as i thought it would be. namely, the take out boxes kept falling off all of the time. i want my girls to grow up and know the fullness of this holiday, and not get focused on the gift part of it. we also have a couple of nativities out for them to play with, and a bunch of christmas books that only come out at christmas.

this year, my advent calendar was very low key:

1.write down the 24 activities on 3x5 cards (i'd probably leave the number of the day off in the future so i can swap them around if i need to):

2. write or stamp the number of each day on a plain envelope:

3. use some string or twine to hang it along a wall (there are many ideas of how to do this. i just wanted easy. if you need some twine, i have plenty as you can see):

4. i taped the envelopes to the envelopes (i used cute tape, but you can use scotch tape or paper clips or just put them all in a basket or in a stack if you don't want to hang them):

5. finished calendar!

(i should add that last year we missed a few days. i try to schedule the easy ones for busier days, and the bigger projects for weekends or days that are low key. we'll see how successful we are this year!)

here are some ideas, compiled from my own list, and a couple of other bloggers. i threw in some extras in case you wanted to pick and choose:

-drive to look at christmas lights (the best ones i've found in oakland are at the mormon temple-one stop, lots of wonderful for a toddler to run in the midst of christmas lights!)

-make paper snowflakes & eat "snowflakes" (yogurt covered pretzels)

-get our christmas tree as a family

-count all the money in m's piggy bank; count & use money to buy socks for homeless

-go pick out nonperishable/canned food together and take to donate

-string snowflakes into garland in girls' room
-read story of st. nicholas & talk about it; draw a picture for someone elderly or sick; put girls shoes outside bedroom door (dec 5)

-for St Nicholas day fill girls shoes with sweets and straw (dec. 6, St Nicholas day)

-make salt dough ornaments for tree

-make peppermint or regular hot chocolate & read christmas books
-read the little house christmas in the big woods & eat maple candy

-make christmas art project

-mail someone elderly a card

-make a gingerbread house

-go to living nativity

-read the christmas story (kids version) & color a picture of the nativity

-make wrapping paper (using stamps or markers on white kraft paper or large construction paper)

-make a present for someone

-go on an adventure with someone special like grandma or another grown-up

-draw on the windows with window markers

-call grandparents or another relative & sing a christmas song

-make popcorn balls (or if it's been a busy day, just popcorn)

-decorate sugar cookies

-act out the christmas story at our house

-go to zoo lights at oakland zoo

-read christmas stories & have snacktime by the christmas tree

-go to fenton's & get peppermint ice cream

-go on a family walk

-open a special ornament

-make ornaments for someone far away & mail

-distribute decorated cookies to neighbors (ones you know and ones you don’t)

-eat dinner by candlelight

-open christmas pj's!

-hang mistletoe & kiss under it

-hug every family member for one minute

-listen to handel’s messiah or go to a messiah sing along

-make spiced cider & watch a holiday movie

-put up a wreath or have kids make a wreath for their room(I made an easy version last year with Monrovia- cardboard and colored puff balls from michael’s)

-make a cranberry or popcorn garland

-make Christmas cards from friends into a book to look through throughout the year

-make hot chocolate and read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

-sign up, pick, and give gifts to a needy family or child

-host a Christmas dessert party

-have a tea party

-make an advent wreath

-make a paper chain

-hang candy canes on tree

do you do anything for advent? or have any other holiday traditions that we could add to this list?

(joy)

2011-11-23T22:25:00.001-08:00

this is my daughter

swinging at her school-

the one that i was so afraid to send her to

two days a week

because it was a mainstream co-op

and i didn't know if she was ready.

but from day one

she's fit right in

talking

laughing

making friends

running

playing

and doing just fine.

it makes my heart glad

and reminds me that a big part of my job as a mom is to

get her ready

to go out into the world

just what i needed to hear

2011-11-22T08:00:00.001-08:00

last week i took the girls to the library by our house to replenish our book stock, and to return some (slightly) overdue books.

i picked up this book without really looking at it,

and lugged it home along with a massive stack of other books.

last week was a long one; matt was out of town for a few days at a work related conference, i had a big papyrus deadline, and i was getting ready for the apple pie party we were having at our house (more on that in another post.)

it was one of those weeks when my girls are constantly tugging on my leg(ruby)

or saying, "mama, come play with me!" (monrovia)

and in return they hear

"in a second"

"mommy just needs to finish this and this and then we can play"

"mommy has so much to do; how about after rest time?"

"in five minutes"

"uh, huh, sweetie, i'm listening; i'm just sending one email/putting away the dishes/folding the clothes/fill in the blank"

that night i picked up this book, you and me, little bear by martin waddell, out of the pile to read monrovia before she went to sleep,

and it was exactly what this rushing, busy, multitasking mama needed to be reminded of.

have you seen this book? or the others in the series? i hadn't until last week.

it's worth a read:

(ahem, big bear sounds kind of familiar)

(busy, busy big bear getting a whole lot done!

little bear just wants to spend some time with big bear)

i'll leave the rest of the story for you to discover on your own,

but suffice it to say

it was a reminder that regardless of how long my to do list is, how much of a mess my house is, how many errands i have to run, or how tight that deadline is,

sometimes it is most important to drop everything and just spend time playing with my little ones.

pretty soon

the to do's will still be there

continuing to invade my day,

but there will be no little ones begging for my time or attention.

(besides, multitasking is overrated.)

grateful for forest fires

2011-11-20T19:52:00.001-08:00

(one of the friend card designs i've been working on.

i kind of love it.)

i'm sure i'll follow this up with a thanksgiving day post, but i am sitting here on my couch feeling grateful and at peace; the girls are both asleep, matt is out with a friend, and the house is still. i can rattle off a few things that i should probably be doing, but just sitting here seems just about right to me. i've kind of gotten out of the habit of posting regularly, and then when i come to this space i don't know where to start.

there is so much to be thankful for. one of our family practices every night is to share the things we are thankful from the day. sometimes it is pulling teeth for m to share hers, and other times she shares throughout dinner. it is so easy to go through the day with constant low-grade complaints (here are some of mine: "i'm so tired, i have so much to do, my kids aren't napping, the girls woke up so early, etc etc) instead of gratitude being our go to.

this week i have been especially grateful for a by-product of m's deafness:

these women.

(katie, lisa, hannah, kelli + me)

each of us has a daughter with hearing loss. our worlds would almost certainly not have collided if we had not had children with hearing loss. and yet here i am, a few years into my daughter's journey and i don't know what i would do without them.

m's school has monthly parent education meetings, and i remember one from last year very clearly. the teacher leading the meeting said that one of the defining things about the school is that for almost every parent who has a child at the school, that a school for the deaf is not somewhere they wanted to be or a place they ever thought they would be. there is an entire grief process about being there in the first place, so new parents look a little shell shocked and sad. and then, over time, it becomes a very special community and family. (at the same time, there is nowhere else the teachers and therapists want to be, which makes it a very special and welcoming place.)

it's so true. i never would've predicted taking my baby to school at 7 months old, much less driving an hour to get there. i never dreamed, planned or anticipated being at a school for the deaf. but then i never thought my daughter would be born deaf either.

we call ourselves the lemonade ladies. because what do you make with lemons, after all? these women have walked along a similar path to me, and have shared many of the same griefs, worries, and victories with their own daughters. and in their daughters, my own child has made friends. real friends who have little conversations of their own, and who try to dress for each other, and who ask about each other all the time.

this morning matt was talking about forest fires; how they devastate and destroy everything in their path and that over time- slowly, ever so slowly, new growth comes. goodness and beauty emerges in a place you could never imagine new life sprouting. sometimes the destroyed places become even more whole and beautiful as a result of the fire. and so it has been with my daughter's deafness. that dark and empty place where the future was unknown is a part of who we are and where we have been, but these incredible relationships have been an unforeseen gift that has poked through the charred earth.

in those moments of hearing loss grief that still happen and likely always will, i know that they get it- they have been on the same journey and they are my friends. and so here is to friendship. friendship that is birthed through loss and grief but that becomes something else entirely. so very grateful for the friends that make our worlds go round.

two!

2011-11-12T19:23:00.001-08:00

a very happy 2nd birthday to my one and only niece sadie fern,

who is a delight and a ray of sunshine!

look at how sweet she is(she isn't always dressed as a zebra; we were at the pumpkin patch)

my girls absolutely adore her,

and

so do i.

any good tips for how i can be a good aunt to sadie this year?

(sweet) sneak peek

2011-11-08T16:14:00.000-08:00

i wanted to share an upcoming card i did for papyrus for valentine's day!

one of my favorite holidays to create designs for is valentine's day,

because they can be such sweet cards.

i love the microglitter- just the right amount of sparkle!

and the text on the inside...

on a more seasonally appropriate note,

i also just got samples of a new holiday card that i'll post soon!

if there isn't a papyrus in your area, papyrus cards are also sold online,

at target stores, and at some independent retailers.

i'm working on some friendship card designs now.

is there a certain kind of friend card that you wish you could find?

let me know in the comments!

life's cruel joke

2011-11-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

why is it that when you don't have children, you don't fully appreciate that one extra hour of sleep that you get for falling back on daylight savings?

then, when you do have children, and you actually need every morsel of sleep that you can get, your sweet little monkeys don't take advantage of the extra sleep, but instead wake up at the crack of dawn, stealing your one opportunity to get a bit of rest?

i have no answer for you, my friends, other than the fact that two children were in my bed wide awake and ready to take on the day when it was still very, very early.

this is a totally unrelated photo except that

a.i think it is hilarious when ruby sleeps like this and

b. this is what i *wish* ruby was doing in the wee hours.
sleeping.

like human beings should do when it is dark and early.

(i didn't notice until i posted this picture that as usual, m is trying to wake her sister up)

if you think i'm being dramatic when it comes to moms and sleep, read this great article from the new york times yesterday about how many women suffer from insomnia and sleep issues. i may not take sleep aids to help me sleep, but a lot of that article ran true for me.

"One of the cruel jokes of motherhood is that the sleeplessness of pregnancy, followed by the sleeplessness generated by an infant (a period in which a staggering — truly — 84 percent of women experience insomnia), is not followed by a makeup period of rest. It is merely the setup for what can become a permanent modus operandi."

sound familiar?

so for all of you without kids, please for the love of those of us that are perpetually sleep starved, soak up and appreciate the fact that your alarm clock is an inanimate object that you can turn off with the touch of a button and not a noisy little person that won't take "five more minutes" for an answer.

and for those of you who are also suddenly taking on the day much earlier than usual thanks to daylight savings (i cite as an example the text message i got at 4:59 am and email at 6:04 am from moms), you have my sympathies.

pouty post

2011-11-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

blogger is being a pain and won't let me post what i worked on tonight,

so i leave you with these previously uploaded mini tantrum pictures:

i have to admit, it would feel nice once in a while to throw a public tantrum!

killing me with cuteness

2011-11-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

hey, look at that! it's another post!

on mondays m goes to her preschool co-op, and she dressed up in her halloween costume for the day. (last year? purple bumblebee- yes, her choice and invention. this year? in a wild departure from the past...wait for it, wait for it: purple butterfly! she also chose green butterfly for ruby.)

sweetness...

and spunk:

how grown up does my little girl look?

(while m's deaf school is an hour away, her co-op is 1/2 a mile away,

so matt walks her there in the morning. i love it.)

at the end of the morning they had a party, with trick or treating inside the preschool.

i had reservations about m being at two schools, but i love how at a co-op all of the parent/teachers are invested in my child and have conversations with her throughout the day.

(so many cute little costumes, right?)

ruby totally wants to be one of the big kids- she blends right in!

yay for treats!

my butterflies hung out together and m shared her bounty of three candies with ruby.

(ruby didn't complain)

later in the evening we went to a little party at a friends', and the girls got ready for round 2!

(by the way, ruby's harry potter scar on her forehead came from a brief yet painful encounter with the edge of a steel barrier that she tripped and fell into. ouch!)

how sweet is my snugglebug?

m and her friend micah exchanged hugs & discussed their future prom date.

apparently he is going to be prom king.

a fun day & a full day.

happy halloween!

(plus a couple days)

apparently, i'm a tease

2011-11-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

so yes, i blogged last week, and then silence once again. and then i got an email saying that i was a blogging tease (point taken) and another couple of emails saying, "wait- i thought you were going to blog again?"

i was. i didn't.

i think blogging is like exercise- when you're in the practice of doing it, it just becomes part of your day. but once you take a couple of breaks suddenly you've fallen off the bandwagon for huge gaps of time. so here i am. blogging.

i almost don't know what to write about. we've had plenty going on that i could post about. the last couple of months have been very full - celebrating our ninth anniversary of marriage, knocking out a bunch of new cards for papyrus, juggling two schools for m, trying to catch up with ruby who is into everything all at once (and speedy as can be), finishing my studio, getting ready to have someone come live in our third bedroom & then having that put on the back burner, a four day work trip sans children, painting the exterior of the house, co-planning and making all of m's school's art projects for their annual benefit...

so here i sit, with writer's block. half-way through a post and i haven't said much at all. kind of like when you finally get back to the gym and can't exactly decide where to start.

maybe that's ok, i guess.

lately i've been really hard on myself for not accomplishing more in a day.

a few weeks ago on npr i heard a snippet of a woman talking about how there are two types of work- productive and reproductive. in very general shorthand, productive work is making something tangible- it has historically been men's work. (like productive work would be going to build a bridge, or make a financial deal, or do something businessy- uh, you can tell that is not my realm) reproductive work on the other hand is work that is neverending and reproduces as soon as you've "accomplished" it- feeding children, laundry, cleaning. historically it has been women's work, and even jobs outside the home have been reproductive jobs for women- nursing, teaching, etc. essentially, raising kids is one whole bucket of reproductive work for 18+ years. you feed, bathe, clothe, discipline and change them, and then start all over the next day. and even if you have a job where you do "productive" work all day, you come home to a whole lot of reproductive work. for women especially, it can be very discouraging that you feel like you are working all the time but with no end in sight, since much of reproductive work still falls on women's shoulders to accomplish.

(i cross this bridge three days a week to drive m an hour to her deaf school.

that's 6 times a week, only to do it again next week.)

so, the point of all this is to say- even though i've gotten a lot of productive work done the last few months, because i am surrounded by reproductive work that just piles up again infinitely (like dishes in the sink, dirty laundry, a floor that needs to be cleaned, a bathroom that's dirty again three hours after i cleaned it, snacks and lunches for the kidlets, etc), it feels like i haven't gotten much of anything done. but i have. and that's what i need to remember. even when it feels like a whole day has gone by and i'm exactly where i started, just more tired.

as i write this, i'm realizing that this blog is a spot in my day where i can see a tangible, finished thing when i press the publish icon.
so maybe i should be doing more of it.
just saying.

oh yeah

2011-10-24T00:37:00.001-07:00

that's right. i have a blog.

2011-10-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

i'm still here, just a bit swamped as of late.
i should add that my brother is recovering, back to work and doing so much better!
thanks for all of your kind words and prayers.

not much to say in my sleepy state,
except that in between wanting to ship them to mongolia (or another far away locale where their hijinks would for sure not be tolerated), i am soaking up these lovelies:

and missing this pensive looking fellow, who is out of town for work:

loads of freelance to do, so hours to go before i sleep.
besos y brazos to all!

a different sort of weekend

2011-09-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

(my brother johnny, my mom + my sister becca)

this weekend my brother, who has had type 1 diabetes since he was 13, was taken to the er because of a severe diabetic reaction called diabetic ketoacidosis. he has been in the icu since saturday, but he is now stabilized and is recovering. hopefully he will get out of the icu soon and be released.

grateful for so much,

including that he just got a new job which gave him new insurance this month,

and that his friend could tell something was wrong with him,

and that she called his roommate who took him to the hospital.

looking forward to him being healthy & home.

hilarious.

2011-09-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

this preview is so, so funny.

thank you, nbc, for bringing will arnett back on a show.

he's hilarious.

i love the part when they both think they've been awake all night-

um, no, not familiar at all at this house.

oh, and my girls have the same sheets as their baby.

(little tastemakers)

meanwhile,

in real life,

my 3 year old is screaming her head off upstairs to resist nap/rest time.

to which i say,

"sweet girl, you wouldn't be screaming so loudly if you didn't need to sleep.

do you know how badly i want to sleep?!"

(exhibit a- she was falling asleep in the car on her way home from school but i kept her up til we got home.)

giveaway (winner) & the one that got away

2011-09-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

we have a winner!

congrats christine!

(you can read christine's blog here)

and then, the one that got away.

do you remember how last week matt's car got stolen from the church parking lot?

well, they found it.

and my friends, this car is no longer in our family.

(insert sad face here)

short version?

whoever stole it totally destroyed it inside and out.

they stole all of matt's books from the trunk,

his cd's (he was taking them to his office)

and

our girls' toys & books that we keep for longer trips.

then, they filled the inside and the trunk full with random stuff- trash, clothes, suitcases.

then they just destroyed it:

spray painted it, ripped off windshield wipers, all the mirrors, smashed all the windows, crashed the front of the car, wrecked our car seat.

obviously his car isn't worth much

(so we didn't have comprehensive coverage on it,

so unfortunately now we just eat the loss plus pay the impound fee of $300)

but it was sad to see

his car in this state.

in the midst of it i am grateful to have friends who lent us a car in the meantime, people in our life who support us in amazing ways, a healthy family, and my own old car that is still safe and sound in our driveway. there is so much to be thankful for, even when things like this happen- i don't have to worry about whether my children will eat tonight or if i have a bed to sleep in. so many other people in this world deal with such issues of injustice and lack that his seems minor.

and in the end,

someone is in a desperate and broken enough place to do this to someone else's property,

which makes me most sad.

(can you tell i've had some time t simmer down? i was all fired up at the robbers on saturday, but i've since mellowed out. don't get me wrong, i still think they are lame, but i kind of pity them.)

and just like that, it's friday

2011-09-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

it's been a busy week around these parts!

m is going to two schools this year- her deaf school tuesday, wednesday and thursday,

and a mainstream preschool co-op on monday and friday.

be still my beating heart - today was her first day of that school, and i'm not going to lie, i'm nervous for my sweet girl to be forging into new territory where she's the only kid who is deaf & has implants. i'm sure she will be just fine, but my mommy instinct is in overdrive this morning.

that, and i'm sad not to have our regular family friday (matt's day off is friday) and lazy monday errand day like last year.

i'm hoping that the gift will be some one on one time with ruby:

this one?

look at that face.

she is trouble, i tell you.

(of course i love every ounce of her troublemaking self)

suddenly, as if someone waved a magic wand over her, ruby is into everything.

she's a walking, climbing, crawling, pulling up and onto, stair attacking machine.

and this, my friends, was my daughters' room (it actually got worse because m decided to "help" me) until i spent almost all monday cleaning it.

yep, keep it classy, susannah.

kind of funny, because it doesn't look as bad as it truly was here

(or enough to merit 5 hours of work),

but let me tell you, it was driving me crazy.

sidenote: mom of the year goes to me yet again;

notice ruby is about to open the diaper pail as i snap this picture.

we spent labor day with a group of friends

our pal peter giving little m a twirl

fun for our kiddos to race around and play together

our friend micah whisking m away

i have no words for this picture.

rocked a few late nights this week for papyrus...

this week has been full of cards that are being edited and edited again.

(not my favorite to paint and repaint a card just because they decide on a different color.)

my favorite person.

it's been a full week with some hard stuff, and i'm so glad we are on this journey together.

and here is m's second first day of school picture!

here she is outside of her new mainstream preschool, ready to take on a whole new adventure!

hope you have a fantastic weekend! i'll announce the giveaway winner by tomorrow!

dear monday

2011-09-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

dear person who stole my husband's car sometime between yesterday afternoon and this morning,

seriously?!
a. it's an old car! as in 1992 old. as in the year i graduated high school old.
b. you stole it from a church parking lot!? what? really?
c. you owe me a car, plus our good car seat, which was inexplicably in matt's car instead of mine. oh, and some really great cd's. (the more i write this, the more i go from being amused to being mad.)

dear jillian michaels,

all i know is that your dvd is. killing. me. we've worked our way up over the month to the highest level, but i have to say: level three? in theory at least, it seems like the more i do it, the easier it should get, but level three feels like level 800 and my legs are jello tonight. on a positive note, thanks for kicking my butt in a good way.

dear ants,
i am so freaking over you making our kitchen, bedrooms, diningroom, entryway & really- any location that you fancy- your playground. could you at least pick another house to frolic in?

dear children,
i love you. but this whole neverending bedtime routine where you come out for every excuse under the sun? it has to end. really. i'm a better mommy when i get some time with jillian (see above) every night, and you are better children when you actually go to sleep on time. no you don't need more water, to go pee again, to say good night one more time, to get more books, to brush your teeth again, to wash your hands because you forgot earlier, another hug or the light on. go. to. sleep.

dear children (part two),
also, i really do love you from here to the deep blue sky, but every time i do aforementioned jillian dvd & rock those jumping jacks (among other pounding high impact moves) i am reminded of your birth, and how you both left an indelible mark on my body. thanks for making me feel like an 85 year old. let's just say little m isn't the only one who has accidents around here. (and i'll beat you all to the punch- yes, i've done kegels)

dear leaky sippy cup,
i do not like you and the way you ruined my phone after like 30 seconds of contact. i won't complain about having an iphone, but i kind of miss my old phone. really, i hated sippy cups already- remembering to bring them places & making sure they don't leak all over creation? one of those mom tasks i'm not really that great at.

dear us weekly,
it's bad enough that i read celebrity trash. but let me refresh your memory- the contestants on the bachelor, jersey shore & those teenage mom shows are not celebrities. so please, stop pretending they are by slapping them on the cover.

speaking of celebrities?
dear heidi klum,
you are officially invited to my celebrity sleepover. i think i might be dropping drew barrymore from the lineup and i think you'd fit right in.

love,
me

giveaway!

2011-09-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

have you heard of anthology magazine?

so many of my favorite and inspiring home/style magazines are no longer as of the last year or two, and anthology has popped up in their (very sad) demise. i usually purchase mine (as well as other magazines for illustration & artmaking inspiration) from my very favorite magazine shop- issues in oakland. last time round, magazines in hand, i decided why not just subscribe, in the hopes that more subscribers would perhaps help this magazine stay around for awhile.

i had a subscription snafu, and long story short, i have an extra copy of the spring issue of anthology, still wrapped in plastic. i've already read mine cover to cover and bought the issue for friends who might enjoy it, so i decided...why not give it away to one of you?

it reminds me of a synthesis of a magazine and blog, and i think you'll enjoy it! it is full of pretty things for your home, party ideas, and other lovelinesses.

would you like it for your very own?

for your entry, tell me your favorite or most inspiring magazine or blog in the comment section through thursday, september 8 at midnight, and i will pick a winner at random this friday!

oh, saturday

2011-09-03T13:23:00.001-07:00

hope you are having a restful, sunny saturday!

hello september, i miss august already

2011-09-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

back to school this week has felt a little frenetic.

so, let's all rewind to a few weeks ago when vacation was still in full swing.

matt's parents took our girls for the night and we went to l.a.

to see our dear friends jeff & jenny (and their awesome son henry),

hit up as many galleries as possible,

and of course,

eat.

we went to mario batali's osteria mozza.

two words:

yum and yum.

the only opening they had was right when they opened at 5:30,

so we got there nice and early.

we decided to get the pasta tasting menu, which was amazing & delicious:

five pasta courses, plus two desserts!

the portions are smaller, so i felt full but not stuffed

(although these pictures look deceptively large)

oh, and an extra little surprise something to get things started...

matt savoring the deliciousness

and then, dessert!

the food was absolutely delicious, and the timing between each course was perfect - it didn't come too quickly, but it also didn't lag.

most of all, i loved the time to just sit with matt and talk about life. you know, often it seems like our life is so busy (this week is a perfect example) that even if we see each other a lot that we are operating more like a well oiled machine - helping each other with the girls, get whatever work we need done, packing snacks, doing laundry, and so on. obviously that kind of tag teaming is necessary to get through the week, especially with small children.

but i guess i've been reminded lately that it is so vital to have moments like this- a leisurely meal or a long drive or a free afternoon - where you can get past talking about the to-do list for the day or the week and begin talking about the ways you relate to each other, your hopes for your family or your relationship, the things you've been thinking about lately. i'm not saying those conversations don't ever happen in the context of a typical week, but it is so easy for life to just happen, to get sucked into a routine and to lose those bigger conversations. when you finally claim that time together, it is as if you are pulled back on course.

here's to making more of those moments with the people in our lives that we love (significant others, yes, but also just those people around us who make us better), and having longer meals with lots of laughter and conversation!

happy friday!

happy september!

happy eating!

yep, it's that time again

2011-08-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

oh, i have some fun vacation pics to share, but today was m's first day of school!

she's come a long way from her very first day of school two years ago!

(she looks so little! only one month older than ruby is right now!)

attempt #1- complete failure

and then once i said, "ok, we don't have to take a picture" she became all smiles

big girl heading to school

she instantly found one of her besties, lily

(it was a bittersweet day, since a couple of her friends are at new schools

& two of her other friends are in another class.)

sweet hand holding girls

ruby getting a hello from her friend ella (happy 1st birthday, tomorrow ella!)

my heart is a little wonky tonight-

can't believe my little one has been in school for 3 full years!

more adventures! & the post in which i say cute too many times

2011-08-24T10:18:00.000-07:00

lest y'all think i am in perpetual vacation, i promise that i'm not. matt just takes all of his vacation at once and we usually take it in august.

the one downside is that i've been slammed with deadlines this month, so i have spent many a night up to 2, 3, and yes, 4 am (only to have our darlings wake up at 6 am-gotta love it.) i wrote my art director the other day that balancing two small children on vacation & these deadlines has been a little harder than i anticipated. but, that said, i am not complaining - i am so grateful to even have work in the first place and so very grateful that we have such a generous vacation time.

i'm not going in chronological order at all, but hey- that doesn't matter much, does it!

last week we enjoyed some time with matt's parents and then matt and i got some time alone, while the kids played at papa and grandma's!

we stayed in this cute house in los olivos so we could go wine tasting, hang out, and relax.
(sidenote-i've been sick for this whole dang vacation & working very hard not to be annoyed. i made the huge mistake of taking dayquil and then going winetasting. um, after two wineries i literally felt like i was hallucinating & about to die. or lose all of my insides at any moment. it was awful. yep, with my in-laws and children. pretty awesome. note to self-those little words on the side of medicine containers are words of truth.)

grandma time

and papa time

and yummy simple summer meals

and snuggle with the daughters time

my camera died so no other fun grandparent or winery pictures.

lucky for us, the kids took off to play with the grandparents

and matt and i went on some adventures of our own!

including to the very cutest place around-

enjoy cupcakes in los olivos

(remember?)

so cute.

they also have winetasting in the same storefront,

but we'd already stopped at another winery

(and yes, thanks for asking, i skipped the cold medicine this time around,

so i still felt like a normal human after tasting a bit of wine)

for the love.

enjoy has a flight of cupcakes,

(6 mini cupcakes to taste)

which is, of course, what we got.

yum.

more cuteness

a stylish watering hole

(how cute is their mobile cupcake trailer for events??)

cute outside too

empty cupcake wrappers after we demolished our flight of cupcakes. since the cupcake flavors change every week, the owner came out & quizzed us about what we liked or would change about each flavor. (of course we shared our opinions) by the way, did i mention that each cupcake has a delicious custardy filling? oh yes, that's right.

we got another flight of cupcakes to bring to our friends jeff & jenny

and hopped into the car for more culinary adventures!

(this time starring mario batali.)

hope you're having a great week!

vacation, all i ever wanted, vacation had to get away

2011-08-18T16:45:00.000-07:00

secret adventure with husband! after slaving away all week to paint our house (pics to follow), my sweet and thoughtful husband secretly plotted childcare (thanks to my mom and matt's sister chrissy tagteam efforts) & getaway plans for just the two of us! secretpants whisked me away to big sur! with a stop to santa cruz on the way. so fun, so needed for both of us- long hours painting for matt which = long solo parenting hours for me meant we could both use some time with each other.

we actually got to talk on the ride, minus interruptions from our littles.

we stopped at a fantastic coffee shop on the way- verve in capitola

(thought of you, jennifer!)

2 cappucinos (for me) later, i was happy as can be

the fun spot we were staying was called treebones resort...and we stayed in a yurt!
husband had also secretly arranged a massage appointment for me when we got there.
suffice it to say, i was thrilled.
(especially when she accidentally went for an hour an a half instead of an hour)

our yurt with an amazing view of the pacific

they also had a great organic garden overlooking the ocean

that supplied their restaurant with fresh deliciousness

our yurt

woodstove and all!

our view from our deck

we stopped at a few places along the way,

including nepenthe's to check out the view and the architecture

calling to check in on our kidlets

please go to the big sur bakery & restaurant. it is so.freaking.good.

this pizza slayed me. butternut squash with proscuitto and brown butter? um, yes please.

we caught the sunset as we drove home to our yurt

this made me happy-hot tub plus sitting and reading a book.

my reflection as we look out at the ocean

and then, we drive home to our munchkins!

the result of our secret vacation- very happy me.

and guess what? i slept so much. 11 hours both nights, and then a big fat nap.

more consecutive sleep than i've had in probably three years.

sleep, glorious sleep.

my poor husband kidnaps me without children, and all i want to do is sleep.

(oh, and in breaking news, ruby took her first steps yesterday!)

best ever.

2011-08-15T15:41:00.001-07:00

husbands arranges child care and kidnaps me for two nights/days.

happy=me.

some pics to follow.

the one in which i face the facts of my new normal

2011-08-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

today: lunch, with my cute friend linda, who is 18 and off to college in two weeks. as usual, it doesn't go the way i plan.

between getting there late, an entire container of yogurt getting knocked over onto the table, a full bottle of apple juice tipped over moments later, ruby devouring a cupcake, a disaster zone under ruby's high chair, 4500 used napkins on our table (thanks to all of our spills), the yogurt and cupcake residue from ruby's hands on my sweater, m's inability to listen (yes, i know she is deaf, but she can hear me & is ignoring me with delight) and running all over the restaurant, climbing up onto the edge of a fountain, taking off her shoes three different times, two trips to the potty, a temper tantrum over the flavor of yogurt, m inadvertently knocking me off balance while i was kneeling and holding ruby so i fell flat on my butt on a busy sidewalk, and tripping while trying to grab my toddler from climbing into the fountain,

it struck me yet again-

it is utterly impossible to maintain one's grace, cool, and clean clothing with a one and three year old in tow. i'm rumpled, weary, stained, and frazzled. i try to fool myself into thinking, "today was just crazy" and then when i think about it? every day is crazy like that. that's called normal.

i can't help it

2011-08-10T21:56:00.000-07:00

i love me some heidi klum.

and some project runway.

perfect since i have multiple freelance deadlines & i need to stay up late and work.

heidi, nina, tim & michael kors are keeping me company in the background while i work.

other current summer guilty pleasures that i "watch"

but don't really need to actually pay attention to while i work:

(thanks, hulu-)

the glee project

switched at birth (thanks, sister for that tip)

and once in a while, royal pains &

drop dead diva (thanks, daphne for that one)

non-tv?

us weekly & all of her friends of course

what are your guilty pleasures?

we call it shot-in-the-head day, yes, we do

2011-08-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

twenty years ago today, my brother jonathan was shot in the head at close range by a pumped up pellet gun.

that is the short version.

sometimes when i talk about it, the memory of that day and all that it meant for our family-collectively and as individuals, still makes me cry.
(the kind of tears you just can't control kind of cry)

somehow,
miraculously,

despite a coma and paralysis and two brain surgeries,

jonathan survived.

then the hard work began: he had to learn how to do everything again.

our family changed. my brother changed.

honestly, not all of it was great.

but my brother, two years younger than me, survived and learned how to adapt.

tonight, as a family,
we celebrated the last twenty years of my brother's life.
we yelled across the table - getting annoyed/amused looks from others at the restaurant,
laughed, took pictures,
and soaked up the summer evening together.
i looked at the faces of my family around the table,

my mom, jonathan, rebecca, mark, aaron, sarah, matt, monrovia, sadie & ruby

so grateful for each of them,
and for grace, hope and love that endures the ups and downs of a messed up world.

on the night of august 8, 1991, as i walked, so, so scared, down the hospital halls to see johnny,
in icu in a coma, i didn't think he would live to the next day.

i'm so glad he did.

good things

2011-08-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

lazy hanging out sister time with lots of books

another tooth! for a total of 5

sweet moments soaking up the beauty of this place

daddy daughter sand time

blobby sand castles

matt & m's canoe rides during ruby's naptime!

seriously? where did this pose come from?

i want to gobble them up whole & freeze time in moments like this

daily drawing time

fun with food

or as m calls them "panpakes"

best husband ever award goes to surprise afternoon iced coffee two days in a row

one day it was accompanied by a magazine

he's.my.favorite.

discovering

a rare moment of stillness on the beach

my daughter's favorite part of the beach: snacks.

have a great weekend!

alas, back to our homestead tomorrow.

super delish

2011-08-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

hi all,

so maybe the key to more blogging is being on vacation...

i thought i'd share a few of the recipes we are making this month. the first is a super delicious summer ratatouille from alice waters' the art of simple food (if you don't own that cookbook, i say go buy it. that and mark bittman's how to cook everything and jamie olivers jamie at home are my very favorite cookbooks & in heavy rotation)

matt grilled this up the other night; it tastes like the epitome of summer.

Ratatouille of Grilled Vegetables

Prepare all the veggies, seasoning them with salt as you go.

Trim the ends from

1 medium eggplant

2 medium summer squash

Cut into ¼ inch slices.

Peel and cut crosswise 1 large onion into ¼ inch thick slices.

Cut in half lengthwise and remove the stem and seeds from 2 sweet bell peppers

Remove the core from 3 ripe tomatoes

Cut off the ends and then cut in half crosswise.

Prepare a medium-hot fire and place a grill over it to preheat. When the fire is ready, clean the grill well & oil it using a cloth or paper towels. Pile up a few coals under part of the grill to make the fire hotter there. Brush all the veggies with olive oil.

Put tomatoes cut side down on the grill over the hottest area of the fire. Leave them for 3-4 minutes, turn them, cook them another 4 minutes & remove from grill. At the same time arrange the other vegetables over the medium-hot fire and grill them about 4 minutes on each side. Keep turning as needed to keep them from burning, checking or doneness at the stem ends. Remove when tender and set aside to cool down. When all veggies are grilled & cool enough to handle, cut them into ½ inch squares. Combine in a bowl with:

2 to 3 garlic cloves, chopped fine

Salt

10 basil leaves, chopped or cut into think strips

3 TBS extra virgin olive oil

Taste & adjust seasoning to preference. Serve warm or at room temperature.

plus a few gratuitous shots of these cuties:

yep, back again

2011-08-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

thank you for all of your kind comments about blogging, as well as your book recommendations.

for now, i'll still blog. i think i am sorting through what to blog about. there are so many wonderful blogs out there, full of great photos, wit and wisdom and daily nuggets of life, so sometimes i wonder if i should just frequent those instead of posting my own. we'll see. as soon as i posted yesterday it made me want to post today, so there.

a few of you recommended the help- and yes, i read that earlier this year and loved it. so for any of you reading this post who have not read the help, i say go get it at your local library or bookstore! as for your other recommendations, thank you! we have this entire month for vacation and will be at home for part of it, but i need some good reading time snuck in somewhere, so please pipe in if you haven't already. i have some big deadlines (it never fails- vacation in august and inevitable deadlines in august- oh well.)

(for any robbers reading this post? nice try- we have people in and out of our house all month long, so no point taking advantage of our absence. yesterday there were three different people stopping by at various times for different reasons. hence why i don't mind posting that we are on vacation)

i've spent a healthy amount of this time that i stole away from our cabin trying to get some photos to upload, just to get "request failed!" repeatedly, so this post will now be rather brief.

matt and i have done some chatting about the way we do vacation- and if we need to modify it. it usually involves time with friends and family, a lot of driving the coast of california, and seeing people that live a ways from us. the downside is that we don't always return rested after so much people time and drive time. this week is nice because we are hanging, just the four of us, with little to no drive-around time. i'm curious- do you vacation? if so, how? anything you've learned about doing it with the littles? (i.e. beachtime with a crawling/cruising 1 year old and fearless 3 year old is not exactly restful)

any thoughts, my friends?

here's the thing.

2011-08-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

i started writing this last week, and as you can see, even my blog post about being a bad blogger didn't make it to completion:

i'm feeling a little wonky if you haven't noticed. usually i don't blog when i'm either really busy or feeling like i'm on the express train to blahs-ville, and well, this month has been a combination of the two. it has been a great summer. really. full of lots of activity, babies being born, out-of-town family coming to visit, studios being finished (almost!), the delights of being a mom mixed in with the travails of a toddler and baby, and so on.

i'm really ready for a vacation. i think i need some time to re-group, check in with my husband over more than who is making the snacks and lunch for our daughters or passing each other like ships in the night, and hang out with my little family with no agenda.

that said, i'm happy to say that we are on vacation! and doing a lot of nothing. i took an hour and a half nap yesterday, just because. i've had a lot of thoughts on blogging lately, including whether i should keep blogging, but for now, here is what our last two days have looked like:

our rickety little cabin with awesome right-on-the-water-ness

(so living the nature channel with big spiders and moths and ants to which matt says, "it is a cabin"

to which i say, "yes- a cabin. not a campground or the forest.")

where i left matt sitting when i came to blog

the littles are enjoying lots of time with both of us at once

matt's gone kayaking twice so far, and i've roped him into some family exercise-fests

so good for my soul

meanwhile,

i need a few good summer reads-

any suggestions?