things

things i don't like today:

• the way my fridge hums so loudly all the time
• crazy drivers who don't signal and then cut over last minute but they don't look at you because they are aware of their lameness (selfish, selfish pants)
• the next 2 hours of painting in my studio, because the painting looks really ugly right now
• emails that get buried in my email account because so much spam goes in my inbox
• that i still haven't finished my book club book (sorry, oscar wao)
• the bills i need to pay
• that some amazing people in my life live really far away

things i like today:

• the supercuteness of etsy (you have to sift through the lame to get to the good, but it's there)
• my morning latte with brown sugar 
• the sun shining outside! (dreary weather=dreary me)
• our clean kitchen
• my husband and that he sends me lots of text messages all day long
• the bulbs pushing through the dirt in our front yard!
• sending video messages on facebook
• the quilt on our bed that my grandmother made

the end.

today i am

in some ways i feel like a broken record lately. we've had a long and hard year, and as i scroll through my blog, you can tell it's been a tough time round these parts. as the week comes to a close, thought i'd reflect...

today i am...

feeling-like i need to get to the gym more. it's hard to find the time, but i always feel better after i work out and get a little alone time.

listening-to some random piped in classical music as i sit and type at peet's coffee; it's competing with the espresso machine in the background. and at home, i'm listening to little m's babbling and hoping it doesn't disappear soon before she can get implants.

watching-the dusk as it has just fallen and we are slowly moving into fall. i love when the days are long and the sun shines late, but as i look outside right now it feels very much like autumn, sans falling leaves and changing colors.

loving-the escape of reading a fluffy magazine before i fall asleep (even though i still have to finish my book for book club); the look on little m's face when she flips herself over and rocks back and forth on her hands and knees- sooo close to crawling! 

drinking-currently finishing off a nonfat latte, and earlier today xiao's blend tea. 

wondering- what will happen once obama is president; if we should fight our insurance or just wait it out; how it can possibly be november already; if i should chop my hair (but not get a mom cut); if it's time for me to be heading home

hoping- that i can figure out how to have a healthy balance between recognizing the reality of hard in our lives right now and grieving, but also having enough perspective to remember that there is a lot of joy and goodness in our life too. 

it's pretty much dark now, and i need to return to my little girl, and her gleeful rolling around the floor, and to my husband, who somehow always gets more done at home than i do.

today i am

it is the end of the day, and as i sit writing this, end of the day golden light is streaming through the trees in our backyard. it sort of twinkles in the leaves, and makes this moment - these brief minutes before the sun begins to set and darkness descends - feel like a gift somehow. that seems sort of cheesy, and maybe it is, but there is something special about the light at the close of an october day here in the bay area. this time of year the air is crisp enough that you know that autumn is here, but the day has still been warm enough that you sort of forget that a new season is arriving. it all makes things seem very present.

in light of this feeling, and inspired by a blog entry by soule mama, this is what is happening in my world today.

today i am....

feeling - oh so many different emotions simultaneously: sad, empty, exhausted, tender, grateful, weary, anxious... the best way to sum it up?overwhelmed. life has just closed in on our family and it is hard to escape the weight of everything.

listening - to a random mix of sufjan stevens, the national, over the rhine, imogen heap and a healthy dose of songs from the swell season thrown in.

watching - my daughter discover her tongue. matt and aaron tear down the blackberry bush and ivy infestation taking over the backyard garden.

loving - far away friends that feel like next door neighbors, close-by friends that show up when crap happens, and a family that knows how to love each other when it really matters.

drinking - not enough water and too much caffeine.

wondering - what tomorrow will hold.

hoping - to get back into the studio sometime soon?

and now the golden light has faded, and the evening is settling in.

whatever your today has been like, hope you sleep well tonight.