happy father's day!

happy father's day to my very favorite person in the whole world.

you are a great daddy to my second favorite person in the whole world!

i can't wait for this year's adventures!

from the very beginning, when little m first wiggled her way into your heart,

you have been an amazing papa.

(this picture is super blurry-

but here is little m signing "daddy" on the day her implants got turned on!

it is no surprise that the first word she understood was also daddy.

someone loves her papa!)

(you are a good dad even on hard and scary days)

we love you.

happy friday!

i couldn't resist!

have a great weekend!

confession: i have been a lazy blogger as of late. but i miss this little space, so promises for more + more often.

little m is now rocking 14 months! (well, as of a week ago, but since we are on vacation i have been a little slow about blogging.) meanwhile, in her version of reality, she thinks she is 14 years old. she does not seem to lack spunk, independence or feistiness; i swear i don't know where she gets those attributes from, since matt and i are such passive and unopinionated souls.

so much of a journey since last april: learning, perservering, figuring out how to go with the flow, laughing, discovering our daughter's personality and temperament, memorizing m's pain cry, her tired cry and her hungry cry... and the journey continues. 

i honestly feel like for the first time since little m was born, life is back to normal. this may sound dramatic (and you know, i have been known to be dramatic once in a long while), but really, truly, life is easing back into a place of rhythm and normalcy. 

life since last april has felt like one curveball after another: newborn; newborn who has hearing loss; ok, make that newborn who is deaf; lots of wading through appointments, fighting insurance & the school district for little m to get her implants and services; the craziness of hearing aids; very painful dissolution of my parent's marriage & the continuing aftermath; cochlear implant surgery; recovery from surgery, activation of implants and learning how to do the daily routine; estrangement from my dad; essentially gutting my parents' house and redoing it for sale....and now, here we are. 

14 months later. 

i love my daughter. life is good. and the past year has been a reminder of truly just how much joy can push in and squash darkness. my daughter makes me laugh. a lot. and i love watching her develop into this silly, quirky, headstrong little person. 

one of my favorite things this past month has been watching her play with my friends' kiddos. ah, the next generation, already wreaking havoc. it's pretty fun to watch, although we may all rue the day that we let these kids bond. i feel like they will be plotting secret and above the law adventures for years to come. letting them become friends now just hastens the craziness, but it is too much fun to watch them play. 

here she is with judah and micah. 

she looks bored, but that's just to throw me off.

let the mayhem begin!

here's to the next 14 months!

here's to life being normal.

art.

as most of you know, i am a painter. 

here is my studio, where i am right this minute:

this week i am super thankful that i have had ample time in the studio (a luxury these days), thanks to my amazing mother-in-law coming up to take care of and play with little m all week long! it has been such a wonderful gift to have this time to come into my studio and to think, make, undo, redo, paint, erase, read, and just marinate in this space. engaging art, whether you are looking at it or making it, operates differently than most of daily life; it is meant to be an active dialogue.

a lot of times people say to me (especially when talking about contemporary or modern art), "but i just don't get it." i understand that sentiment, sometimes i feel even like i am missing something when i look at my own work! but just because you don't get all of the hidden nuance in the latest episode of lost doesn't keep you from watching it...right? (disclaimer: i never watch lost, but i know lots of people do, and that sometimes it is sort of mind-bending, but y'all keep on coming back for more...)

so.

here's what i'm saying:

go look at art. in a museum or gallery or in your daily life.

and make art.

it doesn't have to be fancypants; get out your crayons:

i think the drive to make things of beauty and meaning is inherent to human beings. 

so, turn off your tv or computer monitor (note to self) and engage some art already. 

need a primer? 

this is what you should do:

having a bambino doesn't have to stop you. 

even babies love art; 

little m has been going to art shows since she was a few weeks old!

if you have a kiddo, 

bundle them up or strap them into their stroller and find someplace to look at art.

go to a student art show. 

a few weeks ago we took little m to the final show of where i went to grad school. 

she loved it.

we took her to sfmoma last week and she was all about the art: 

video, installations, paintings, you name it.

(sidebar: this show, which is now closed, by south african artist william kentridge was amazing)

then we headed up for snacks at moma's new rooftop garden, 

which also has a blue bottle coffee cafe. 

little m snacked on a banana.

art, sunshine, snacks, coffee: really what could be better?

the baker makes these amazing treats based on works of art in sfmoma's collection. 

here's a thiebaud cake, based on a wayne thiebaud painting.

(and it was super delish) 

so creative, so fanciful, so yummy. edible art!

the 5th floor of sfmoma is my favorite because it has the most contemporary works in their collection and the new rooftop garden.

happy art-filled kiddo, happy art-filled mama and papa, happy art-filled tummies.

now, go get out your crayons and glitter.

{or, what have you.} 

old school vs. new school

old school:this is how little m used to wear her cochlear implants, with little rubber snugfits to keep them on her ear, and with the battery pack part of the processor pinned to the shoulder of her clothes. it seemed complicated and she hated when we would tighten the snugfits on her ears. she has tiny ears, so we'd have to squeeze them hard for the implant to stay on. (who wouldn't be irritated by that?)

new school:
in the last couple of months we've streamlined and simplified. (well, that's my opinion...matt was fine with the old school version.) we ditched the snugfits, made the processor into one larger unit (kind of like snapping legos together), slapped some wig tape on the inside of the processor so it would stay on her ears, and viola!
they stay on soooo much better, and she fights it less when we put them on her. little m is happy, and mama is happy too.

berry berry good

with pictures like this, who needs captions?

little m discovers the glories of

strawberries

love it.

things i am loving right now

bathtime with little m (she's a slippery little bugger though!)

coffee dates with friends

watching the next generation become friends

how little m wants to hold all the other babies hands (so cute)

fruits and veggies fresh from our backyard garden + the farmers market

this pretty bouquet of onion flowers that matt made me from his garden

these awesome buttons from my friend ren's fabulously cute smallfry crafts etsy site

(little m approves- she has multiple of the stuffed and cozy version of 

small fry friends in her snuggle lineup)

these pretty and fragrant sweet peas growing in our front yard!

what are you loving?

peonies

(image from nienie dialogues)

do you read nienie? speaking of when life is good but hard, you should. well, i was reading her latest post today and someone had brought her these pretty as can be, homegrown peonies!

i just told matt yesterday that i wanted some peonies. they feel like june to me, and since it is june and all, i think little m and i should go adventuring today and find ourselves some peonies to brighten up our day. they rank right up there with ranunculas for me, in case you were wondering.

flowers are good for the soul, that's what i think.

it's settled; after lunch we are off to find ourselves a soul stirring, sunshine bringing bouquet.

xo

this, my friends, is called licking your plate clean, as demonstrated by my daughter.

uh-oh

little m has made a discovery.

she has discovered chocolate.

in fact, la farine chocolate croissants. 

it was all a mistake; 

i was talking and not paying complete attention so slowly she commandeered my breakfast...

can you tell she's pleased with herself?

who can blame her, really?

those chocolatines are good.

see?

i told you.

favas=spring.

photographic evidence of the yummy lunch matt made on saturday: 

fava puree on baguette and straight from our garden lettuce greens.  

here's the recipe (thanks to umamigirl, who happened to have it on her blog, so that i didn't have to do the tough transcribing myself) in case you want to try some edible springtime at home:

Fava Bean Purée
Adapted from Alice Waters, The Art of Simple Food

½ cup olive oil
4 pounds fava beans
4 large garlic cloves, roughly chopped
A sprig of fresh rosemary, thyme, or tarragon, or another herb of your choice
½ cup water
Salt and pepper
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
Lemon juice and grated zest, optional

To prepare the fava beans for cooking, remove them from their pods. Bring a large pot of water to a rolling boil, and fill a large bowl with ice water. Blanch the beans in the boiling water for one to two minutes, until they slip fairly readily from their skins. Transfer the beans with a skimmer or slotted spoon to the ice water. When they’re cool, drain the water and remove the beans from their skins.

To make the puree, heat the ½ cup of olive oil in a medium pot over medium heat. Add the shelled, skinned beans, garlic, herbs, water, and a good couple of pinches of salt and pepper. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until the beans are very tender (about 15 minutes), adjusting the heat as necessary to prevent burning, and adding more water if necessary. Remove the pot from the heat, and remove the herb sprig. Mash the beans with the back of a spoon or pass the mixture through a food mill.

Stir in the ¼ cup of extra virgin olive oil and a bit of water if necessary to achieve a nice, thick but spreadable consistency, along with a squeeze of lemon juice and a bit of grated zest, if desired. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve with toasted baguette slices.

catch up

life has calmed down a bit, but i still have a to do list that runs about a mile long. most of the things on my list are super overdue, like write thank you cards that should have been in the mail months ago, deep cleaning our house and my car, and some are just regular to do's: bills, laundry, dishes.

some quickies from the last week or so:

first of all, someone, and by someone i am referring to this charming little monkey, is walking. there is no turning back now. she is on the rampage - i kid you not.

little m and i had the pleasure of meeting up with fellow blogger nicole and delia for ice cream at sketch! we had such a nice time, and little m and delia got to compare their cochlear implants. delia is also deaf, and now 5 years old & in kindergarten; she got her implant at 10 1/2 months, just like little m. after a few minutes of warming up to us strangers, it was so fun to see delia reading stories to little m, talking to her, and showing off some of her gymnastics moves. so fun to meet face to face!

reading a great book, city of thieves, for the next book/culture club! our last culture club dinner fell smack in the middle of house repairs, so not only did i not read a single chapter of the last book, but i neglected to document the yummy spread (sliders and homemade fries) that mark & rebecca put on! it's a quick read if you are looking for a read-in-a-weekend book.

on sunday night matt and i headed up to sacramento with our friends nancy & keith to support a great non-profit, the greenhouse, by going to their annual benefit dinner. if you need a very worthwhile spot to donate your time or money, the greenhouse is the perfect place; their focus is very local and specific, and we had the opportunity to meet some of the kids whose lives are being changes through the greenhouse!  

my new favorite smell: mrs. meyers clean day countertop spray in geranium scent. does your kitchen cleaner make your house smell like fresh flowers thanks to essential oils? i swear, not only will you feel accomplished because you've cleaned your kitchen and feel comforted that you've been kind to our earth, but you'll swoon because of the fabulous scent. i had to pop some of their dish soap in my grocery cart the other day because i'm just that smitten.

fava beans. friends, they are in season. matt planted a bunch in our garden and they were finally ready to harvest. i'll warn you - it's kind of labor intensive because you have to double shell them. but get yourself some, and whip up a new recipe or two. matt made alice waters' fava bean puree recipe and some pasta with bacon, shaved onion, and fava. they taste just like spring. little m devours them, and i ask you, can a one year old be wrong?

listen

today i am working in my studio...finally! 

after a too long hiatus, i am back into this space again. 

i am doing a lot of thinking, reading and writing. 

some studio days are just like that, 

where you have to do thinking before you do making.

i ran into the following quote, and it made me think of how much talking we do. 

i don't know about you, but i open my mouth far too often;

we need to do more listening. 

and it made me think of my daughter, as she learns how to listen to the world.

on a daily basis i marvel 

that little m can turn to a noise -

to my voice, to the car driving down our street, 

to the birds singing in the trees above her,

to the words in a picture book.

words for my daughter, from walt whitman:

"now i will do nothing but listen.

i hear all sounds running together,

combined, fused, or following, 

sounds of the city,

and

sounds out of the city - 

sounds of the day and the night."

it is a gift to be able to hear.

it is a gift to be able to listen.