for my mother

to my mommy.

when i am standing, my arms stacked on each other across myself, talking to you at my front door,

and you are facing me in a mirror pose,

i realize how much you have imprinted upon me-

both those things that i may recognize,

and the countless things i have forgotten but that are woven into my very being. 

for my entire life, 

you have sacrificed so many times 

without complaining or naming that which you've given up,

because your nature is to give without holding back.

our family is different now,

and for six years you have had to become a new you

so that we could keep on living, celebrating, being whole.

 you are always working, 

shifting outside of your comfort zone,

trying to make things work in this new shape

we've found ourselves in.

to me 

you are strength and kindness,

love and grace,

getting lost and finding an adventure,

pie and molasses cookies,

papers to grade, tests to write,

"i think you need a hug,"

theories about everything,

warm bread on our doorstep, 

longing always for truth,

beauty that you don't see even though it's always been there,

inefficiency and late night naps,

food scraps and plastic bags in the sink,

reheated coffee,

up too late and up too early,

rocking chairs and reading glasses all over the house,

snippets of prayers and poems written in journals,

an apple an onion and a potato to eat,

students who love you & then the parents who don't, 

maine & san diego & philadelphia & pleasanton & oakland

and 

home.

always home.

i love you mommy.

happy mother's day to you.

susannah