these. two.

dear girls,

this was the day a few weeks ago that you decided you both wanted to wear a scarf like me.  so i wrapped one on each of you, and you giggled and smiled at each other. then you wanted me to put on a scarf too, and walk around with you so we were all matching.

and my heart about burst wide open with that moment, and with how much i love you.

right now, even though you pick out your own clothes and have fierce opinions about how things should be (for example, m always rolls up her leggings just so and ruby refuses to wear jeans or clips in her hair), you also still want to be like me. or near me, or talking to me, or snuggling with me. and i won't lie, i am savoring every moment of it.

i know that a day will come soon that you will likely want to do the opposite of whatever i suggest, that you will value the opinions of your friends, teachers and strangers over my own, that you will distance yourself from me in public, or hide away in your room at home with a "do not enter" sign slapped up on the door. those days are coming, as they always do, and they may last for a while. my heart will probably break because of you a thousand different times- sometimes you'll do it on purpose and sometimes you won't even know you're doing it at all.

but i want you to know - my sweet, creative, delightful children - that i love you no matter what.

my job is, among other things, to raise you to be kind, to be brave, to love even the unloveable, to look past surface things to the heart, to put others before yourself, to persevere. so i need to show you how to do that by loving you the same way, unconditionally, through the seasons when you like me and the seasons when it feels like you are rejecting everything about who i am and what i think.

i don't want to raise mini-me's. even though there are ways that you look or act or think like me, you're not me. that's a good thing. those times even now when i am about ready to scream (ahem, or maybe i am screaming a teensy little bit?) because you refuse to wear jeans when that's exactly what i want you to do? it's kind of ok. in fact, there is a part of me that is glad you are asserting your individuality and perspective. i want you to know that it's ok if someday who you are and who i am looks really different. if your preferences and mine don't align. if you love math and hate art.

right now, you tell me that i look supercute and your favorite kind of day is one spent with me. i love it and selfishly i don't want that to change. but for you to grow up? it kind of has to.

as your world expands and contracts and expands again, and as you grow into who you want to be, just remember: i'll always be your mom. i'll always be your champion. i'll always love you, even when you think i'm crazy or old school or irrelevant.  even when it seems like we'll never wear matching scarves again. hopefully, when all is said and done, you'll circle back again, to where i've been standing the whole time, waiting for you.

love,
your mommy

p.s. you both look so cute in those scarves. like ridiculously cute.

(and unrelated but so important...
a very happy birthday to my friend and neighbor, 
an amazing woman in so many ways, kacie!)