the one about choosing your own adventure

(section of wall in my studio)

we are sold this idea, especially when we are little,

 that we have limitless options and potential...

that life is supposedly a blank canvas...

that if we can dream it we can achieve it...

and of course, to a certain degree that can (sometimes) be true.

remember those choose your own adventure books? 

i loved flipping through them, and of course, 

trying all of the options to see which one turned out to be the best adventure. 

it feels like there have been a lot of twists and turns this year- in our life and in those around us. life's been reminding me that you don't really get to choose that much about your adventure. you can choose how you cope with it, the attitude you have, but ultimately there's a lot that happens to us as human beings that we don't get to weigh in on. 

i found out this week that my friend that has been brawling cancer for far too long is not doing well. there is still hope, new attempts at different courses of treatment, and the possibility that she'll recover. i am hoping beyond hope that she does. but i feel so helpless, sad and angry. sad that the last five years she has been through thousands of hours of treatments and appointments and cancer related everything and that she is sitting in a hospital all day getting tests. angry that somehow at 38 years old i already have so many friends who have had cancer.

sometimes i wish it was as easy as flipping to page 78 to escape whatever disaster has just been thrown in your direction. feeling heavy hearted today as i think about my friend. weary as i think of how many things in this world are oh so wrong. 

the adventure i can choose today is gratitude for all of those unintentional life chapters that bring unexpected goodness, and hope for healing and perseverance in the messy, hard seasons that we can't get out of as quickly as we'd like.