Tuesday, September 6, 2011

dear monday

dear person who stole my husband's car sometime between yesterday afternoon and this morning, 
a. it's an old car! as in 1992 old. as in the year i graduated high school old.
b. you stole it from a church parking lot!? what? really?
c. you owe me a car, plus our good car seat, which was inexplicably in matt's car instead of mine. oh, and some really great cd's. (the more i write this, the more i go from being amused to being mad.)

dear jillian michaels,
all i know is that your dvd is. killing. me. we've worked our way up over the month to the highest level, but i have to say: level three? in theory at least, it seems like the more i do it, the easier it should get, but level three feels like level 800 and my legs are jello tonight. on a positive note, thanks for kicking my butt in a good way.

dear ants,
i am so freaking over you making our kitchen, bedrooms, diningroom, entryway & really- any location that you fancy- your playground. could you at least pick another house to frolic in?

dear children,
i love you. but this whole neverending bedtime routine where you come out for every excuse under the sun? it has to end. really. i'm a better mommy when i get some time with jillian (see above) every night, and you are better children when you actually go to sleep on time. no you don't need more water, to go pee again, to say good night one more time, to get more books, to brush your teeth again, to wash your hands because you forgot earlier, another hug or the light on. go. to. sleep.

dear children (part two),
also, i really do love you from here to the deep blue sky, but every time i do aforementioned jillian dvd & rock those jumping jacks (among other pounding high impact moves) i am reminded of your birth, and how you both left an indelible mark on my body. thanks for making me feel like an 85 year old. let's just say little m isn't the only one who has accidents around here. (and i'll beat you all to the punch- yes, i've done kegels)

dear leaky sippy cup,
i do not like you and the way you ruined my phone after like 30 seconds of contact. i won't complain about having an iphone, but i kind of miss my old phone. really, i hated sippy cups already- remembering to bring them places & making sure they don't leak all over creation? one of those mom tasks i'm not really that great at.

dear us weekly,
it's bad enough that i read celebrity trash. but let me refresh your memory- the contestants on the bachelor, jersey shore & those teenage mom shows are not celebrities. so please, stop pretending they are by slapping them on the cover.

speaking of celebrities?
dear heidi klum,
you are officially invited to my celebrity sleepover. i think i might be dropping drew barrymore from the lineup and i think you'd fit right in.



  1. dear sooz.
    you inspire me to...
    a) dust off my jillian dvd (tomorrow)
    b) invite heidi to my house
    c) see the humor in all things.

  2. WHAT???!!!
    I'm fairly certain that, "Thou shalt not steal the preacher's car FROM the church parking lot" is Commandment #11.

    Our girls should have a (non-)sleepover. Same thing's a'happenin' at our house...are they chatting/plotting on the phone? By text?

    Jillian and my P90X guy should hang out. I hate them both.

    Count me in on your US Weekly petition (although it WAS fun/creepy to see Ali on the covers!).

    Would love to see who else is on your celebrity sleepover list! Maybe we could have a joint party and invite them all over at once? That might result in too much awesomeness in one room (and then you include the celebrities...). Scratch that.

    Miss you! Sending hugs from across the Bay!

  3. I love it! Thanks for the chuckle.

    Jillian Michaels hasn't been invited to my house yet. I really should get her DVD, but I am afraid that the jumping jacks might actually kill me (I am THAT out of shape)!

    Thank goodness Monday is over and we are (gasp) already half way through the week - here's to a very relaxing weekend (one can hope, right)!

  4. This entry deserves a 'Thank You'. I really enjoy your very creative way of sharing about your life. Go get 'em tiger.

  5. nicole- it does help that matt has been doing it with me. we've done 23 days and have 7 left. yay!

    kelli-sleepover action: http://goodbuthard.blogspot.com/2008/11/latest-addition.html

    thanks all :)

  6. you. never. cease. to. entertain. and. inform. i LOVE you and want to hang out soon. what if i buy you a car? or diapers? kthanksbye.

  7. Did you see the pics of Lady Gaga without make-up? I'm not sure I've ever heard any of her songs (yes, I'm very very forty), but the little tidbits I read about her are intriging. Maybe she should make the sleepover invite list.

    About the car theft ... too weird.

  8. julia- i DID! she has crazy heavy eyebrow lids!

    lydia- was that tmi for you? considering who i am talking to, i'd say probably not. but sure- any new car donations would be appreciated :)

  9. you make me laugh!
    so sorry about matt's car...so lame; i hope it is found and insurance gives you extra $ to replace it!

  10. hey there darlin'
    this entry was fantastic and i appreciate you so much. and so help me, if you invite heidi klum to a sleepover i better get an invite too...although i'm a bit behind this season.
    i'm so sorry about matt's car. what a mess. :(

  11. you. crack. my shit up.
    i am laughing so hard at your post, i might maybe have dribbled a little. and i am NOT doing jumping jacks.

    also, that totally sucks about matt's car. way not cool. i heart you and yours.

  12. what the? stolen car? so sorry!! ):

    loved that could totally hear your voice in this post.

    hugs to you.


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