in progress

working in my studio today,

with a ton of half finished paintings around me.

one of the downsides to having my studio at our home is that the door to our backyard is in my studio. so any time we have people over (a lot), they are traipsing in and out of this space.

i am always working on a bunch of paintings at once,

and so they are works in progress

and may be a mess

or really ugly

or just the beginning.

it feels vulnerable to have them on display

when they aren't close to being done.

i feel naked every time someone walks through my workspace.

reminds me of life.

i wonder if that's why sometimes we as humans are quick to put on a show of being put together;

deep down we know we are all a bunch of in progress hot messes doing our best with the day we have,

and yet we want to maintain the appearance of having arrived, being organized, knowing what we are doing short term and long term, juggling all of life with ease and grace.

really, we are a bunch of half finished paintings that have a way to go.

but there's also beauty in the mess, right?

there's much to be gleaned in the process.

and

the final product only gets there with a lot of 

undoing, redoing, editing, fixing, giving up then starting over, and finally perfecting.

(at least i sure hope so)