Wednesday, April 20, 2011

not good, not good but hard, just hard.

today didn't go the way i expected. the morning started out great with a visit to a dear friend and her sweet little boys. it went downhill from there.

took ruby in for her regular 9 month checkup (a little behind schedule,) and the dr. had some concerns about her weight in addition to some other factors. m was climbing the walls of the office and wreaking havoc as i tried to balance ruby on my lap, grab m from using the entire bottle of hand sanitizer on her arm, and listen to some very serious potential issues ruby's little body may have. our dr. told me not to do any internet research until we got some results, so i am just waiting for tomorrow morning, when ruby goes through a battery of tests and we hear what is going on with her to share more details.

suffice it to say, my heart is kind of breaking and my head hurts in a cry real hard for short periods of time kind of way. 

this night before tests feeling is so familiar- reminds us of the first weeks and months of m's life as we waited to hear about her hearing loss; the dread of tests sits in our guts tonight like a weight. matt said it feels like post traumatic stress disorder. 

we head to children's hospital tomorrow, hoping and praying that we are just going through these tests as a precautionary measure, and that really our baby is healthy. keep us in your thoughts and prayers.


11 comments:

  1. what.a.hard.day.

    you & your family will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  2. you're all in my thoughts and prayers. love you, friend.

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  3. Where and how do you need me? I will be there tomorrow. Canceled my job. I'm available in all aspects.

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  4. I am praying for all of you, for your strength and endurance through the testing and waiting. Sending virtual hugs from WNY.

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  5. praying for you.

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  6. OK, I'm a lurker, I've been reading your blog for a few months or so from the UK (also got a bionic bilateral girl). Just wanted to send you some positive thoughts and to remind you of a post of yours not so long ago about always expecting the worst and then being pleasantly surprised. Fingers crossed that's how it works out today.X

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  7. thinking of you all, hoping and praying that today is smiles and tears of relief. and that today is good, not hard.

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  8. I'll be thinking of you and waiting for news -- whenever you are ready to share it. Hope hope hope hope all is well. BTW, your brother is awesome. You knew that, of course.

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  9. thanks, all, for your kind words. very grateful fro you.

    we did all of the tests this morning and are just waiting now. we'll see. i'm off to take a nap.

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  10. been thinking about you all night last night and all day today. we love you guys. this is no good.

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