not good, not good but hard, just hard.

today didn't go the way i expected. the morning started out great with a visit to a dear friend and her sweet little boys. it went downhill from there.

took ruby in for her regular 9 month checkup (a little behind schedule,) and the dr. had some concerns about her weight in addition to some other factors. m was climbing the walls of the office and wreaking havoc as i tried to balance ruby on my lap, grab m from using the entire bottle of hand sanitizer on her arm, and listen to some very serious potential issues ruby's little body may have. our dr. told me not to do any internet research until we got some results, so i am just waiting for tomorrow morning, when ruby goes through a battery of tests and we hear what is going on with her to share more details.

suffice it to say, my heart is kind of breaking and my head hurts in a cry real hard for short periods of time kind of way. 

this night before tests feeling is so familiar- reminds us of the first weeks and months of m's life as we waited to hear about her hearing loss; the dread of tests sits in our guts tonight like a weight. matt said it feels like post traumatic stress disorder. 

we head to children's hospital tomorrow, hoping and praying that we are just going through these tests as a precautionary measure, and that really our baby is healthy. keep us in your thoughts and prayers.