butterflies in my stomach

(m with her speech therapist rachel. we kind of love her. they meet three times a week.)

it's that time again!

even when they seem relatively routine,

iep's make me nervous.

(remember these?)

(at each iep we essentially work with our district to determine m's eligibility for services)

this time around we are no longer asking for services at m's oral school for the deaf,

mainly because we don't think she would qualify.

but we are asking for a teacher of the deaf at her mainstream preschool, and some ongoing therapy.

for the first time matt and i will not be in the same place for the iep-

this one will be a conference call.

i will be in an office at the district talking to him as he's at the school with m's teacher and therapist.

and all of a sudden, 18 hours away from the meeting,

i have a pit in my stomach.

i just got off the phone with our iep coordinator,

and all of these anxieties rushed at me, 

especially because i realized that i won't have matt sitting next to me so that we can communicate during the meeting and figure things out as we go.

are we doing the right thing mainstreaming her so early?

will we have to fight for therapy?

what therapy will they offer, and will it be appropriate?

will i remember all of the things i am supposed to say and say them correctly?

nervous. belly.

and also, if i get right down to it?

sad heart.

this is the end of m being at an amazing school where she is surrounded by other kids with hearing loss. 

where she meets multiple times a week with therapists trained to work with implants.

where she is at home & always growing and learning.

where she has learned to talk and listen.

this feels like a big week.

iep.

last day of school friday.

this mama is going to shed some tears this week, just going to call it now.