Tuesday, June 5, 2012

butterflies in my stomach

(m with her speech therapist rachel. we kind of love her. they meet three times a week.)

it's that time again!
even when they seem relatively routine,
iep's make me nervous.

(at each iep we essentially work with our district to determine m's eligibility for services)
this time around we are no longer asking for services at m's oral school for the deaf,
mainly because we don't think she would qualify.
but we are asking for a teacher of the deaf at her mainstream preschool, and some ongoing therapy.

for the first time matt and i will not be in the same place for the iep-
this one will be a conference call.
i will be in an office at the district talking to him as he's at the school with m's teacher and therapist.

and all of a sudden, 18 hours away from the meeting,
i have a pit in my stomach.

i just got off the phone with our iep coordinator,
and all of these anxieties rushed at me, 
especially because i realized that i won't have matt sitting next to me so that we can communicate during the meeting and figure things out as we go.

are we doing the right thing mainstreaming her so early?
will we have to fight for therapy?
what therapy will they offer, and will it be appropriate?
will i remember all of the things i am supposed to say and say them correctly?

nervous. belly.

and also, if i get right down to it?
sad heart.

this is the end of m being at an amazing school where she is surrounded by other kids with hearing loss. 
where she meets multiple times a week with therapists trained to work with implants.
where she is at home & always growing and learning.
where she has learned to talk and listen.

this feels like a big week.
last day of school friday.

this mama is going to shed some tears this week, just going to call it now.


  1. sadness.
    two things to rememeber:
    1. God is with and for you and He goes before you.
    2. You do not have to sign the IEP at the meeting. Take it home talk amongst yourselves and then sign (or not)
    Oh, and one more thing...
    M is ready to go onward. Every transition whether or not you have a deaf child is hard. When Ruby is getting ready to go to school and kindergarten and so on...you will get a pang. That my friend is the love of a mother...the pain or rather the pang of motherhood.

    go forth. be brave. let go and you know the rest...

  2. love you friend. you are incredible.

  3. She is MORE than ready for mainstream! She will rock it and so will you.

  4. thanks, friends. i'll let you know how it goes!

  5. remember, you guys know her best, no matter what is being recommended. she will do great wherever she is because you and Matt will make sure of it!
    even if you think everything is exactly what you want tomorrow, I suggest not signing right there...bring it home so you and Matt can talk it through, then move forward. there is no harm in waiting a few days to sign off on it!

  6. The teacher and parent in me is totally agreeing with Katie and Nicole. TAKE IT HOME. Breathe. Read. Sign. Over a glass of wine and some time to talk and pray. Those harsh fluorescent lights are evil! Praying for you and all this week holds. MUCH love and prayers and goodness to you, dear one.

  7. Yup. Take the IEP home. Tape record if you want, especially since you and Matt will be in separate locations (just tell them before the meeting b/c they will need to record too). You may never even need to listen to it but it may give you peace of mind just in case. So hard to digest all that is said during those meetings, especially with all those people there giving their input. All of this is important and that's why it's hard. It will go well, you'll see. :)

  8. IEP's are the bain of my existence. for serious. so glad yours went well. also, i got to thinking after the alumni panel, we need to stay friends forever. okay? so our kids will be friends forever. no pressure. goodbye.


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