let the games begin, or at least the cooking

pre-march or so, matt and i used to cook a lot. but...we've been in a hiatus of sorts.

the house-buying adventure began, which led to not much cooking and lots of packing. buying lead to moving and unpacking. and then a couple of weeks later, ruby was born, which lead to not fully unpacked and not yet a chance to cook. i mean, we cooked here and there, and threw things together, but that was the extent of it.

last sunday we planned to have some old high school friends of matt's over for dinner...and we decided to cook! on saturday we went shopping, figured out our menu, started to prep, and then matt checked his email and our little soiree was off! rainchecked for another time due to sickness. we had all of this food, and it was all fresh and wouldn't keep for another time, so we cooked anyway, and a few last minute replacements joined us for some delicious food and wonderful company. i love last minute get togethers!

i made this onion tart, which is one of my staples, and a fav. so so good.

you can find the recipe here when i blogged last summer about its deliciousness. do yourself a favor and make it sometime.

we had lots of pre-game food...including one of my favorite cheeses-saint andre triple creme, and some olive bread matt picked up

a delicious squash terrine that matt makes. the first time i had it, i admit i was dubious...but it is so so good. i'll try to find the recipe and post it on here. i promise, it's another go to recipe- especially in the summer, when squash runs rampant in gardens.

we sipped wine while we appetized and waited on the main course

which was fried chicken! the recipe is from thomas keller, and is in his ad hoc cookbook. we went to ad hoc last summer on our food-stay-cation, but alas, this wasn't on the menu that night. you can find the recipe here if you want to try it yourself! here, the 2 chickens that matt cut up. this is so his job and not one i will even pretend to take on.

working away at his fried chicken station

precision frying...

the final, amazing, worth the wait product!

i made some creamed corn out of the same ad hoc cookbook to accompany the chicken, as well as some barley salad with ricotta salata (not pictured.) this creamed corn recipe is pretty straightforward and simple, and won't make you want to tear your hair out, like other thomas keller recipes that take 57 steps and 38 sub-recipes to make a final product. you can find the creamed corn recipe here. yum yum yum.

we drank some more wine, because that chicken took a while!

and for dessert? a refreshing grapefruit granita i made from fresh grapefruits. so easy, so perfect on a summer night, especially after fried food. we added a bit of campari to add color and a little hint of bitterness. so addictive- i finished it off later in the week!

the best part of our impromptu dinner party? our kind guests washed all of the dishes. that is usually the bad aftertaste in my mouth after a lovely dinner party, but this time around i woke up to a sparkling clean kitchen and lots of good leftovers.

it's nice to be cooking again...

(although the two kids does throw a wrench in how quickly we can whip meals up)

wanna come over?

lastest hits

m is currently into a few things...

like towers (exhibit a-the crackers+cheese version)

prancing around in my shoes-especially the high ones

more towers (exhibit b-the blocks version)

ponytails and clips

taking care of her babies

oh, and taking care of baby ruby of course, which entails a lot of gazing lovingly and holding for about 13 seconds

reading

and more towers (exhibit c-the wooden city version)

and really, most of all, she is into slaying my heart with her cuteness.
i swear lately she is so funny and silly and creative and delightful.
(except for those nasty temper tantrum whine fests she also has in her arsenal, but i prefer to think that is just her learning how to communicate, although it exhausts me, all of the drama. matt would say that that is quite fitting, since i tend to have a teensy amount of drama buried really deep down inside.)

today

(ruby)

you know, it was just one of those days where things don't go according to plan.

so many things i'd like to write about, but a few other things to do first. like try to bring some semblance of order to a single room in my house.

besos.

memory lane

have you ever stumbled upon a bunch of old photos or letters and suddenly you are rewinding time back to another place and season? i've been trying to update our hard drive in case my laptop crashes, among other reasons, and i opened up some old photo folders while the hard drive was connected to my computer.

it was pretty surreal to reverse in time: before ruby, or monrovia, back to the days when my dad was still in our life, pre-graduate school, a few less wrinkles...

so suddenly i was thrust back into memories that had faded a bit as i looked at old photos

this afternoon i have been reliving weddings... (here we were at courtney and chetan's)

old paintings

adventures in new jersey when we lived there for a few months in the garden part of the garden state, at my aunt fern emma and uncle arthur's house

where we used to go for long walks through the woods

or sit on their deck and enjoy the snow covered backyard

or play in the snow

or when we drove across the country and went to graceland

and stopped at beautiful places along our route west

walks with friends-these little babies are now going into kindergarten!

fun vacations in tahoe before any of us had kids

parties in our front yard way back when we lived in pasadena in 2003

...back when matt wore baggy pants!

my mom's garden birthday tea in 2005

and the days of being a bridesmaid (in 100 degree heat-i swear. sweat was dripping down our backs and legs as we took this photo)

time in the hospital when adriane was fighting leukemia (she just celebrated 5 years healed of cancer!)

...and hundreds more pictures that reminds me of how quickly seasons come and go- the good ones and the bad ones. it saddens me to know that my dad and my sister-in-law, who are all over these photos i have, are no longer a part of our family. but then i think of new members of our family- my niece sadie, my daughters, my sister-in-law to be sarah. these moments are buried in us and shape us, and hopefully make us richer human beings. it was a glimpse to me of people and places that i love. it made me want to soak up today a little more intentionally.

hit the spot

i love being a mom.
i love being a mom of two.
but i am also trying to sort out what it means to be a mom
and also continue to be all of those other parts of myself that make me susannah.and then this morning, i got an email that ended with these words.

just what i needed to hear,

just a little reminder:

"I hope that "artist" and "friend" both pop into mind
when you are thinking about who you are..."

i hope so too.

deaf moments

part a:i knew this moment would come, but i thought it would be when m was a little older for some reason.

a few weeks ago m and i were sitting on the couch hanging out, and she was staring at my ears intently. finally she said, "mommy, why no put on ears? roro put on ears." matt and i knew that at some point she would ask why she wears implants and not everyone else does. after all, she has a set of toy cochlear implants that came with a stuffed animal when she got her implants, and she often plays with them by trying to put them on me. they look identical in scale and color to hers, so they look like the real thing. she notices when people have hearing aids. she'll point behind our ears sometimes, but when she actually asked me why she had them and i didn't, it took me off guard.

i've used the word deaf with her, and explained that she is deaf, and that's why when her ears are off she doesn't hear, but i don't think she totally understands it yet. i think she assumes we all stop heraing once we take baths or showers, or when we take naps or go to bed. i think she thinks it is normal to attach a device to one's head with wig tape, and to lose sound every so often when the implants coil falls off.

so i began a conversation that will last a very long time-throughout our lives i imagine, about what it means to be deaf, and to have implants, why she has them and we don't. it was short, and i tried to use words she would understand. for now i said her implants were special ears that helped her listen and speak, and that when she was born her ears couldn't hear, but when mommy and daddy were born our ears could hear, so we didn't have special ears. moments later she moved on to playing, and that was it.

then the other day i was changing ruby's diaper. m was laying on the bed next to her, snuggling up to her sister as she likes to do. m pointed at her head and said, "mommy, ruby no have special ears. roro, special ears."

so i guess she remembered at least a snippet of what i said.

part b:
this is how you know you have a deaf child with implants-

multiple times when i have been holding ruby i check her head to make sure her implant coils haven't fallen off. then i remember-oh wait. she doesn't have implants.

it's funny what becomes normal. every time ruby startles to a sound it startles me. i often forget that she can hear at this age. it became so normal to us that m couldn't hear (even with her hearing aids) until she had her implants that whenever ruby responds to sound it kind of surprises me.

our family just kicked it up a notch

{some of my fam: sister rebecca, me, sister-to-be sarah, brother aaron, matt, & my mom.
missing here, my brother jonathan & bro-through-marriage mark plus our kidlets}

woohoo!

in family news,
my youngest brother aaron made a brilliant move and
proposed to his beautiful, funny, gifted, and kind girlfriend, sarah.
she made an equally brilliant move and said yes.

it's an easy equation: awesome + awesome = super awesome.

love these two, and can't wait to have a lifetime of sarah and aaron together!
this is a really good thing.
so happy for and with them.

also, ruby marks two months of joining our family outside of the womb.
right about now i was chilling in my hospital bed, fending off the world's most tragic and frustrating student nurse and snuggling up our sweet baby number two!
i love having two little ones, even though the learning curve is steep...
two months in, and she is as sweet and lovely as can be.
i can't imagine our family without you, ruby.

red velvet cup-awesome-cakes

have you ever had red velvet cake?it's matt's fav.
last week, our friend linda came over and
schooled us in her wicked red velvet cupcake making ways, a la a paula deen recipe.
i decided the cupcake version is even better- a higher frosting to cake ratio.
yummy + pretty- what more could you ask for?

our cute taste tester.
despite her ear infections she seemed to be able to lick the spoon.

m gives the batter a thumbs up

i can't lie- maybe we sampled the frosting too.

linda bears with our hot kitchen and frosts up the cupcakes

{love the raspberries!}

{sprinkles aren't bad either, and are in honor of little m}

hard working bakers, post frost fest

note m's matching cupcake shirt.
don't get that impressed-
i'm not usually that awesome as a mom.
some days you just luck out!

love for us

my cousin in law rose (i can never quite figure out all of those cousin terms) sent us a lovely package this week, little wonderfuls & thoughtfuls wrapped gently in tissue paper.

rose passed along a beautiful handknit sweater that my aunt fern emma had made for her daughter quinn, thinking it would work well for little m. it is the most perfect shade of red, with at least ten buttons that remind me of red hot candies. right away monrovia asked to try it on, and then (despite the very warm day) wanted to wear it until matt came home.

isn't it lovely?
both rose & fern emma are amazing knitters.
(i love sweet moments that happen from miles apart)

today

life tumbles along, and i feel a bit discombobulated. yesterday at little m's summer school, my friend told me she felt like life hadn't stopped for the last three years and all of a sudden it had caught up and was overwhelming. it's like that sometimes when we finally have chance to catch our breath. i'm sitting in the midst of busyness at a peet's coffee, headphones on to push out the rest of the world. i have two hours to work on freelance this morning and again this afternoon and so i am stealing a few of those minutes this morning to pause in this space that i write.

i spotted this link to the simple woman's daybook at deliajude, and loved the format. (lists are the best. if only i could writes lists like this more often- it would be a good way to glance back at my days and weeks and months. then again, i blog...!)

FOR TODAY
Outside my window...cars, buses, passersby, sunshine, hectic life is rushing by.
I am thinking....that i miss making big oil paintings + sitting in my studio.
I am thankful for....sharing good food with new friends on a warm summer evening.
From the kitchen...barley salad, onion tart, grapefruit granita, iced coffee.
I am wearing...black long sleeve shirt (with reminders of art making on the sleeves), cozy cropped pants, flip flops.
I am creating... memories with my daughters, potential cards for papyrus, space for art.
I am going...to remind myself that my expectations for "accomplishing" each day are unrealistically high.
I am reading..."The Vagrants" (a bit behind schedule for my book club that met last week)
I am hoping...to live with grace, patience & wisdom today.
I am hearing...Mumford & Sons (thanks Jair)-music that swallows me up & heals me somehow.
Around the house...ants invading in little black lines, little m building "towers" from blocks, my empty water glasses.
One of my favorite things...getting packages or notes in the mail.
A few plans for the rest of the week: taking the girls to summer school, visiting with my aunt & cousin from far away, picking plums, baking brownies, dance parties with little m, many hours of nursing.

Here is picture for a thought I am sharing...

{towers, by m}

behind

these two munchkins have kept my hands full the last few weeks.

here's the thing: i am just trying to figure it all out right now -
the balancing act of being a good wife, mom, friend, artist, freelancer, homeowner
in addition to having time set aside that is good for my soul, time to exercise, time to rest.
it feels a bit overwhelming to be honest.

but in the midst of this crash course in parenting two instead of just one,
i am savoring the little moments that make up our days.

i like being a mom.


i like figuring it all out, even though i don't feel too great at juggling it all quite yet
(most likely i never will feel like i've perfected it,)
i am reminding myself that
{nursing
diapers
spit up on all of my clothes
a toddler who just wants to climb on me and talk to me and play with me
an infant who is helpless without me
washing little bowls & little spoons
exhausting trips to the park, the library, the store
treks to school
in & out of carseats
whining for snacks
little voices, newborn cries
bathtime
the neverending cleaning up toys and books
loads of laundry full of little clothes
answering questions over & over
last minute appointments at the pediatrician
late nights rocking my little one who can't sleep}
this is such a brief and special season.

my friend hannah has this quote on her blog:

Because how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. -Annie Dillard

so true.
and so i am soaking up these busy, messy, tiring days...
enjoying the sound of my daughter's laughter filling the house...
recognizing that time passes so quickly
and the things that i usually worry about the most matter the least

work, cleaning, organizing, projects, to do lists
will all be right where i left them.
tomorrow.

and along the way i'll figure it out.