logging off

Lucky ducks are we - I know. We are still on vacation. Matt gets 4 weeks of vacation a year, so usually we take the whole month of August, but this year we are only taking 3 weeks. We have a week to go before we head home to the daily grind. I have tons of mental blogs written, so maybe I will finally get around to posting them. Usually on vacation I actually like having uninterrupted blog time, but this time around we have been staying places that don't have access to the internet.

It's been a little weird (I have to admit) to be offline for so long. I ran to a Starbucks last week to check email and do a couple of online errands, and I realized that I am so used to having access to my laptop and the internet that it felt kind of uncomfortable not to have the capability to connect instantly.

For a long time I have struggled with quiet. This may sound strange when I have two kids; you would think I would long for rest and silence. And of course in some ways that's what I think I would like. But the reality is that I have acclimated to the noisiness of always having some sort of information streaming in. I like to have music or podcasts on while I clean, work on freelance or work in the studio. I read blogs or watch something online while I nurse. I listen to music in the car, and watch the TV's up at the gym when I work out. I listen to my ipod when I walk.

I think about years ago, when I didn't have a laptop, and then years before that, when I didn't even own a computer. Did I think more? Dream more? Imagine more? Hope and pray more? Sometimes on this vacation I have realized that when I fill in all of my empty spaces with the activity and noise of the internet: blogs, podcasts, music, tv, that there is no space left for me to generate ideas and thoughts of my own. This isn't to say that I am going offline, but it gives me pause to consider how and when I want to integrate the internet into my life.

I've done a lot of internal work that last year or so, and that has taken a great deal of energy and intentionality. I think in a lot of ways I have wanted to escape thinking any more on a deeper level after doing so much mental and emotional work. Anyway, good to be away from home, with time to think and rest (as much as one can rest with an infant and toddler.) Lots to share, so I'll be back soon.