ramblings of a thirtysomething (& i used to think that was old)

this morning my mother-in-law asked me how i decide what to blog about, and i said, "ummm....i don't know." and really, i don't. a lot of it depends on whether i've taken photos of life lately, or whether i've been waxing philosophical, or whether i've skipped a lot of life on the blog lately and am just trying to catch up. 

these days my intention are to blog, but they are also (besides covering the bases of mommying & wifeing & working) to work out, to keep our house in some semblance of order, to make art, to cook, and so on... usually when i am talking about blogging and i say that i am behind on my blog, the person i'm talking to will tell me something along the lines of, "you shouldn't feel pressure to blog; you have plenty of other stuff on your plate." true and true. 

but blogging is also good for me, in that it gives me some kind of space that belongs to just me. there are no guest bloggers on here; (a. because who would want to guest blog for me anyway and b. because that would entail having enough readers for a guest blogger. my smattering of followers can exercise patience, thank you very much!) this space has me written all over it in its randomness. these days, having a space that belongs just to me is more important than ever. yes, i am super-extrovert. but i also have less and less time that is mine alone, without a small human pulling on me or calling 'mama!' or undoing something i've just done. so, my friends, blogging, even when it falls by the wayside, is good for me.  

(here i am, deep in thought, 

and this photo goes out to daphne, 

who says i always post pictures of everyone else but myself.)

so i started this post not knowing what to post about today (typical) and i guess it is about this in the end: for a long time i thought i'd have life figured out by the time i was 20 or 25 or 30 or 35. guess what, i'm 36 and i still don't know what's next, even in my blog. life keeps changing; i keep changing. i keep thinking, failing, retrying, hoping, and wishing i was better at about 43 different things. i was scrolling through all of the photos i've taken this year (there are so many i don't even know where to start) and i was reminded of so many little moments i'd forgotten already. but somehow, those moments are part of me and part of who i am becoming.

(also, just for you daphne,)

here i am with the three people who are helping me figure out my crap the most, 

whether they like it or not: