dear saturday

{trouble 1 & trouble 2. keeping me on my toes all week long}

dearest saturday,

you are my favorite.

i really needed you to come through for me,

sunshine

sleeping in until 7:45 (thank you husband for wrangling the little ones until then)

wandering around farmer's market

free samples of fruit and veggies

running into friends at the bakery

iced coffee & a breakfast scone

folding clean laundry

reading books on the couch with m

snuggling ruby

surprise play visit for m

the weekend new york times spread all over the coffee table

looking through our old italy pictures

family time all day

paints & projects covering our dining room table

a clean kitchen from counter to floor (all credit going to husband)

2 girls & a husband down for a nap

and it's only 2:30.

love,

me

plans change

i had a great post planned for this morning, and then i opened my computer and the awful news of japan's ravaging tsunami came up on my screen. so, i'll just table that post for another day.

i won't lie. i am so afraid of earthquakes. and tsunamis. to which you may say, "way to go, susannah, you live on a massive fault line, right along the coast of northern california." and i would say, "yep- you're right. and it freaks the crap out of me all the time."

little known fact: i think about earthquakes and tsunamis about every other day or so.

sometimes when i'm in bed at night i think to myself, if there was a crazy strong earthquake right now, i wonder if we could get into the girls' room and rescue them? i need to remember where near the bed my shoes are. is everything secured to the wall in their room?   


or maybe matt is gone at work and i am alone with the girls and i imagine an earthquake with him stuck on one side of the tunnel that he drives through to get to work and me stuck in our rubble of a house, crying because our wedding pictures have been destroyed. oh yeah, and our house.

or i worry about an earthquake happening & being without electricity, and no way to charge m's rechargeable implant batteries, and running out of her disposable batteries, and realizing she won't be able to hear us soon. (yes- i have a massive stockpile of batteries, but i'm still afraid that i won't be able to get to them.)

and i kid you not, every day that i drive over the san mateo bridge (which is essentially smack on top of the water) to take m to school, i imagine a tsunami sweeping over our car and me scrambling to rescue my children from their carseats while somehow also opening a window or door so that we don't get stuck in the car. the other bridge scenario does not involve a tsunami, but just a really big earthquake that is so strong that as we drive across, maybe even almost to the shore (which still would not be safe because a huge earthquake has just happened,) breaks the bridge up into little pieces and then tosses my little pitiful car, full of me and my two amazing children, like a kleenex into the water.

as you can see, the thought of a (very likely) bay area earthquake is on my mind. there isn't much that i worry about, but this is one of those things. so as i looked at these heartbreaking photographs this morning, of families just like us -except for halfway around the world-whose lives just changed completely and forever, it hits me somewhere in that soft, raw space in my heart where fear and sadness lives.

praying today for those who have lost something, or everything, in this tragedy.

today

no inspiration

for a blog post

except for this picture of my march-inspired

mini mantle

{speaking of which, our mantle is right above our fireplace, which is now working! 

we have now had 2 fires, warming our livingroom & cozying things up!}

{happy wednesday}

around these parts:

 freelance deadlines

+

mommying 

+

still sickhouse (of varying degrees- so over being sick)

(got one of my favorite sorts of deliveries yesterday- a box brimming over with brand new paint! 

i was running low on lots of colors, so stocked up)

any brilliant ideas you'd like made into a mother's day or graduation card?

(oh, and on this march 9th, a very happy birthday to my brother jonathan)

getting schooled

at the beginning of the year, i decided that 2011 was the year of gaining some skills.

i feel like every january i have a list of goals that include learning new things or improving upon existing skills (usually the same list: photography, computer classes in illustrator & photoshop, silkscreening, sewing...) and then- the year goes racing by and i haven't done anything to work towards those goals.

so, same goals, new year! this time i decided- less talk, more rock.

for my birthday, matt's parents got me the gift of an online class i'd asked for (on amazon's universal wish list- have you tried this? it is awesome. you can add anything to your wishlist there & it will link to it) in the design program illustrator! it was through the one of nicole's classes; i found it through her blog a little sussy, which i've read for a few years now.

i wasn't sure if i would end up liking the program (and it is super pricey) enough to use it long-term, so i downloaded the free 30 day trial to use for the duration of the month-long class.

i have to say, the class was awesome. even juggling a lot this past month, including sick kids for half the month, i loved it.

not to be an infomercial or anything, but alma, the teacher, was warm and funny. the videos were great, easy to follow along with, and concise; the textbook was fabulous and a great resource for future projects. besides, every time i watched a five minute video i felt accomplished, and like i'd just knocked out some of my to-do list.

i didn't have quite the amount of time that i would've liked to tinker and play with the program, but that was more due to sick kids and a busy schedule. i feel like learned the basics and will be able to integrate it into some of my freelance or personal projects in the future.

the mini-projects i did were very simple, since i had limited time, 

but one was my new (very rough) blog header (above)

here's a sneak peek at a couple of my homework assignments:

this poster for m's room

and this sweet elephant

very beginning projects, but it was so fun to discover the possibilities! 

plus, this class whet my appetite for learning more skills in other areas.
next up?
maybe photoshop or photography.

what would you like to take a class in or learn how to do?

happy birthday to my ears!

in a couple of weeks m celebrates her hearing birthday!

2 years ago on march 18th & 19th, m's implants were activated, 

so it was the first days she heard sound!

we'll be having a listening party,

with friends bringing their favorite songs to listen to at the party and then all year long.

what songs would be must-listens in your world? 

what song can you always get lost in?

or dance the night away to?

or brings you back to middle school or college days?

what song would you 

add to m's hearing birthday playlist?

comment below & i'll add them to our party soundtrack!

excuse the mess

i'm fiddling around with my blog settings...and trying to figure out what i like. bear with me!

and matt and our friend todd, who is an electrician, are working down in the garage transforming it into a studio. there's a long way to go, but want a peek at what's happening so far? i've never been so excited to decide where outlets and switches go. it will be worth every penny.

i missed taking pictures when all of the old shelving was up all over, but you'll get the idea from strart to finish..

matt starts to demo...

 two truck-fulls to the dump, plus a big trash day!

 slowly but surely...

(matt winning bazillions of points in my world.)

matt's dad helped out a couple of weeks ago!

next up? insulation, windows & sheetrock.

so excited!!!!

happy friday!

goodness & a few cow patties

last week we loaded matt's car up and drove down to paso robles to stay in a big house on a lot of acres for a few days. we met up with jeff, jenny and their little henry, and kim, jeremy, and their amos & eli. 

it was a full house, brimming over with conversation, toy negotiating, more conversation, and dance parties (for the little ones!)

 

 the view from our room.

so peaceful, so much sky, so unlike the view from my bedroom at home.

we ate lots of delicious food (of course) and with five kids running around, 

we took turns reigning them in.

 jeremy's delicious strata!

 and amazing cinnamon buns. i usually only like my mom's, but these were quite epic.

 we snuggled and shared toys and hung out in pj's & informally rotated who was watching the kids

 storytime was a big hit...

jeff was the pied piper of book time

ruby is a bit small for the tub, but next year we'll throw her in too!

 ruby liked flopping around & rolling on the carpet  (not quite crawling yet)

 so beautiful. 

some of us took advantage of the scenery & 

went on long daily walks or runs along the vineyards and fields.

 matt, kim & jenny took the kids out and matt (shocking) initiated a cow patty fight with the little ones. yep- all of the kids were throwing cow poop at each other, thanks to my husband.

poop fight.

 plus a lot of frolicking

(and a healthy amount of wrestling)

dancing

 general silliness & laughter

 middle school dance party

 with m dancing the night away with henry

(look at her staring at him with adoring eyes)

 while amos & eli shared brotherly love

 killing me with their love fest.

 somehow i got less pictures of the grownups,

but suffice it to say we had a fabulous time too.

(not included- photo documentation of our many in depth discussions, loving marital sparring, trips to the playground, all night parenting awesomeness & patience despite two screaming children, reading time, bottomless cups of coffee, the cows right in our backyard (including the calf that matt and i heard being born in the middle of the night!), musings over the duggard family & the show parenthood, and lots more yummy food)

good friends & intentional conversation-so good for the soul.

hodge podge

a random post for a random sort of day:

(i can't find the photo credit for this lovely picture, but when i do, i'll post it)

first, a sicky sleep update: miraculously m slept all night long for the first time in over a week. 

and i went to bed at 7:54. aside from waking up in the three's to feed ruby, i got TEN hours of sleep. 

my body could use ten more, but hey, i'll take what i can get at this point. 

still feeling sick, but at least i slept soundly for the first time in a while.

very, very grateful.

(m and justice last spring- look how young my munchkin looks!)
our friends (including their 5 year old son justice & 4 month old maddux) who have been staying at our house for about a week flew home to philadelphia yesterday,
leaving little m without a big, cool boy to play with at all hours & an additional sweet baby to coo over. ruby will just have to do for the in-house entertainment.

meanwhile, my toddler suddenly looks like she is 15.

 my new favorite addition to matt's go-to recipes: this roasted asparagus over ricotta & bread, a recipe from david tanis' a platter of figs.

so easy, so good.

even 2 year olds devour it! (i witnessed the plate above instantaneously go bare after m gobbled this up & pleaded for more. that's my favorite- when she is bartering with and begging me for more vegetables- it happens with roasted broccoli and cauliflower too.)

 scrolling through my pictures i found this one of matt at his first princess party.

i had to share. (who would've ever thought that my husband would show his face at a princess party, much less help me convince our daughter to wear a princessy type hairpiece? matt is sandwiched between two of m's little friends from school, by the way.)

 love these moments with my daughter.

i want to go back here.

yep, that is a vineyard you see, right across the street.

this is the front yard of the awesome house we shared with two other families (and dear friends of ours) last week for matt's study leave. 

i'll share more in a separate post, but it was so good for matt to have time to study, 

and for both of us to reflect, share and intentionally talk through life, vocation, parenting, faith, and marriage with our friends. 

all with 5 children under the age of five underfoot!

(impressive, right!?)

hopefully on the road to recovery...

have a wonderful-if random-wednesday!

oh.

it's been a long week. 

i'm sick. 

my girls have been up at all hours for over a week, and so matt and i are exhausted from trying to wrangle m back into bed (she has double ear infections- yep, again) while she is fighting us with every ounce of strength she has. 

suddenly ruby is channeling her 6 week old self and thinking it is a good idea to wake up every 1-2 hours for sustenance. 

um, what! she is 9 months old!

ex.haus.ted.

deep down in my bones tired.

bottom line, i feel depleted and worn down. no good to anyone that i come in contact with.

and yet, i have friends who are going through much harder this week, so it is all relative.

grateful for this one:

(here he is demo-ing our garage to transform it into my studio-

more on that to come)

honestly, i would not be able to do it without him.

rock star sister-in-law chrissy took m to school today 

so i am going to rest small-small now and then try and squeeze in a bit of work. 

meanwhile, 

i think both of us are about to lose it if our daughters (sweet, amazing gifts that they are)

keep up these insane nights of tag-team, up all night, scream/awake/fuss fests.

9 months

yesterday this little babycakes turned 9 months old. 

dear sweet ruby, 

these are my favorite things about you...

your infectious laugh

& incredibly mellow disposition

that said, also smitten with your feisty and stubborn spirit 

(which will serve you well against your big sister)

the way you flip and roll around on the floor like a little fish

the way you wriggle your little body and head around when you are happy

your love of snuggling at any hour of the day or night

the sound of you plotting silliness with your sister

i maybe don't love the fact that your love of snuggling means you still wake up in the very wee hours of 3 or 4 a.m. to eat, 

or that your feistiness means that you can scream full throttle 

for hours on end in the middle of the night, 

or that your sister love means that the two of you don't nap but instead have a giggle fest.

can't believe you you have been with us for almost a year.

{love you completely}

two years ago...

two years ago today, after a long and hard fight (that i feared we would never win against the big, huge insurance company, although i fought my little heart out) and so much anticipation, 

m had her bilateral cochlear implant surgery. 

(post surgery)

in some ways, that day seems so long ago. but then i scan back to what i wrote that day and week, and it is fresh and so recent and even raw on some level. (doesn't she look so tiny in those posts?) i strangely felt incredibly calm during the surgery, but there were so many unknowns looming ahead of us.

there are days that change everything in the trajectory of one's life; it seems like most of the time you don't realize that a day will affect so much in the future- say, when you first meet your future spouse or the day you decide to take a class that ends up determining your vocation.

on february 23rd 2008, we hoped that that single surgery on a single day would fundamentally shift the possibilities in our daughter's life. we waited and trusted that surgery would open our daughter up to the world of sound. we hoped she would have a lifetime of hearing moments and that someday she be able to hear us say her name, or sing her to sleep, tell us what happened at school, or many years from now hear her beloved say "i love you" to her or the laughter of her children. but two years ago, we didn't know what would happen after m's surgery. it was uncharted and scary territory.

our baby had lived, well-loved, in a world of silence since the day she was born. and now, two years later, it is hard for me to imagine this child who sings and talks to herself and anyone who will listen not experiencing sound. every day i marvel at her insistent little voice, and how it seems as if she was made to talk and listen, even though she was born deaf.

m's hearing birthday, the day her implants got activated and she first heard sound isn't until next month, but today i celebrate this very special day that marks the journey our daughter began from silence to sound.  my deaf daughter loves to sing and be sung to; her favorite latest mash-up is a self created and ever evolving version of 'it's a small world after all' mixed with 'he's got the whole world in his hands.' the words, especially since they come from her, seem more appropriate than anything else i could write.

It's a world of laughter

A world of tears

It's a world of hopes

And a world of fears

There's so much that we share

That it's time we're aware

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the whole small world after all

hitting the road

bye oakland!

see you in a few days!

matt has study leave this week, so we are heading down south until thursday.

meanwhile,

our friends are crashing at our house,

so if you are a sneaky person who reads about empty houses & then steals things,

nice try.

our house will be busy with activity.

enjoy the end of the weekend!

hopefully i'll have time to post while i'm gone.

ps. thank you, sunshine for shining on me today. i missed you.