bad habits

i have lots of them:

• going to sleep before i do the dishes
• celebrity trash magazines
• putting my keys and cell phone in a different spot in my bag every single time
• taking 10 years to call someone back
• leaving my phone on silent or vibrate so i never hear my phone ringing (not a good combination with the previous bad habit of taking forever to call people back)
• too little flossing
• late night snack attacks
• procrastinating
• leaving empty (or half-full) water glasses by my bed until there are like 8 of them 
• reading the last page of a book
• taking too long to write thank you notes (oh, and then i forget and then send nothing.)
• overcommitting
• not putting away folded laundry
• waiting until my car has absolutely no gas before i go to the gas station

(oh, and hundreds more. i'm sure you can think of some right now off the top of your head that you could add to my list)

and this one, which i've let develop because i love to sleep. and when my daughter wakes up from her nap or waaaaaay too early in the morning she screams, "mama! mama! mama!" 

at that point i have three choices:

1. let her cry it out, which means no sleep for me

2. decide it's time to wake up, which means no sleep for me

3. pick her up, let her snuggle in bed or on the couch with me, which means at least another hour of sleep for both of us

i never would've let m get away with this, but my defense is down at 5:45 in the morning, so i let ruby come snuggle with me. i know it is going to be a bad decision long term, but right now it is a bad habit that i also kind of love. how cute is she? sometimes she wraps her little arms around my neck and burrows into me and i just about die from mommy-senses in overload.

moments like this won't last forever, right?

(ps i always think ruby looks like matt, but in this picture rubes looks just.like.me.)

ADDENDUM:

ok, apparently this isn't a bad habit at all according to all of your comments, so i had no guilt this morning when i pulled crying ruby into bed with me and got an extra hour plus of sleep, with some snuggles thrown in for free!

my apologies, but i can't help it

i know that i just posted a video a couple of days ago, 

but last night i took secret footage on my phone while m was playing audiologist

and it killed me with cuteness 

so i absolutely couldn't 

resist sharing it.

some thoughts:

• do you think that just maybe my daughter has seen her fair share of therapy, school and audiology booths in her short life? she seems pretty well versed in the lingo.
• yes, yes i did name myself "hosanna" when my daughter (aka marina ariel the audiologist/therapist/teacher) asked me my name; thanks to m's friend justice, who calls me hosanna instead of susannah.
• poor thing has two jobs and she's only three. 
• i promise no more videos for a while (really)
• you can probably spot where the jig is up and she realizes i am secret taping her.
• my almost favorite part is when ruby realizes that i am taping m and she pokes her head in.

happy spring!

happy wednesday!

a good reminder (also a post without my children in it)

with two lovely handful daughters

& a lot of freelance work,

it has been really hard to get time working in my studio painting.

(yes, even though husband rocked an amazing studio. my goal is to get my butt in there for a deadline i have april 1st)

i ran across these words of wisdom from ira glass the other day,

and thought they applied to many realms,

(including me

making art

getting discouraged in the process

and 

starting over again.)

 a few thursdays ago, my friend jana (who is also an artist & who went to grad school with me) 

and i met up to go to first thursdays in san francisco to look at art.

we met up on geary street, grabbed coffee and then went art hunting.

usually we don't find too much that we love, but it is good to go and talk art, see what's out there, and then act like our stuff is more awesome.

 this month there was actually a lot more in the galleries that we were into,

and it wasn't too crowded, 

so we could actually see work without fighting mobs of hipsters & old money art lovers.

this painting's colors were so weird & ugly that i kind of loved it

so bad it was good?

 (one of my fave shows was at this gallery- nice photographs)

 paintings on paper- couldn't decide how i felt about them.

 artsy hallway

(love)

 behind the scenes- the backroom of a gallery

and then we went and got drinks and dinner and gabbed about art and life.

goodness.

looking at art

making art

it is one of those things that sometimes i put off

(like exercise, anyone?)

and then i do it and i'm so glad i did

and i wonder

why do i always procrastinate?

this day seems so long ago.

but today marks THREE YEARS that our daughter has been deaf but hearing!

three years ago today, 

a few weeks after her cochlear implant surgery...

(matt with m right before her surgery)

our daughter heard her very first sound.

it probably sounded like blips and beeps,

but it was the first time she heard

anything.

do you remember those early days?

these days i take my daughter's ability to hear me (when she has her implants on) 

or read my lips as the norm. 

it seems so natural for m to be singing, talking, making up stories. 

and yet she is still completely, totally deaf. 

today her friend eli asked her, "what is deaf?" and m said, "i'm deaf. when i was born i was born deaf and my ears can't hear and all the kids at my school are deaf and they wear implants or hearing aids like me." 

pretty remarkable.
we're staying at a rental house this weekend with friends,
so we had a little impromptu hearing birthday party for m this afternoon,
ao as she was waiting for everyone to wake up from naps to join her party

we had this little conversation:

happy hearing birthday to my smart, lovely daughter.

happy saint patrick's day!

happy saturday!

happy st. patrick's day!

(aren't these little treats cute? 

my friend katie made them for her daughter sam's class & 

shared with m and ruby)

my daughter has been giving little pinches all day long!

(want to know about the real st. patrick? look here)

when life gives you lemons

when life gives you lemons - or, when friends with an overabundance of lemons give you lemons...

you make lemon bars.

or you should, because a good lemon bar is a thing to behold.

am i right?

for a couple of years i've been making the delicious and delightful lemon bar recipe from tartine bakery in san francisco. 

it's good. it's really good.

but on monday, faced with a massive quantity of lemons and some friends coming for dinner, 

i decided to branch out and try a different recipe.

i love smitten kitchen- and for the most part the recipes i've tried from that site are phenomenal.

enter... a new recipe.

enter... the best lemon bars ever.

enter...perfection.

ok, maybe that is a tad dramatic, but they were really, really, yummy. 

crunchy slightly sweet base with a sweet tart gooey lemonyness

 with a slightly firm skin of lemon on top & then a smattering of powdered sugar. 

you guys, i was impressed with myself. 

and i bragged about how good they were 

because i was kind of blown away at how well they turned out.

no lie.

so do you have lemons?

make yourself some lemon bars!

(ahem, specifically these lemon bars.)

here's the recipe!

(or you can go to the source and get the recipe here)

Lemon Bars
Adapted from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook

(a note from from deb at smitten kitchen: These are bold and tart lemon bars, ones I feel are best in smaller doses than Ina Garten suggests. I’ve made a few changes to the recipe–increased the salt in the crust, reduced the sugar in the lemon filling and an encouragement to grease your pan, as mine were all but cemented into their non-stick pan.)

For the crust: 
1/2 pound unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 cups flour
1/8 teaspoon kosher salt

For the full-size lemon layer: 
6 extra-large eggs at room temperature
2 1/2 cups granulated sugar
2 tablespoons grated lemon zest (4 to 6 lemons)
1 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 cup flour

Confectioners’ sugar, for dusting

Preheat the oven to 350°F and grease a 9 by 13 by 2-inch baking sheet.

For the crust, cream the butter and sugar until light in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Combine the flour and salt and, with the mixer on low, add to the butter until just mixed. Dump the dough onto a well-floured board and gather into a ball. Flatten the dough with floured hands and press it into the greased baking sheet, building up a 1/2-inch edge on all sides. Chill.

Bake the crust for 15 to 20 minutes, until very lightly browned. Let cool on a wire rack. Leave the oven on.

For the lemon layer, whisk together the eggs, sugar, lemon zest, lemon juice, and flour. Pour over the crust and bake for 30 to 35 minutes (less if you are using the thinner topping), or about five minutes beyond the point where the filling is set. Let cool to room temperature.

Cut into rectangles and dust with confectioners’ sugar.

the ones that don't usually make the blog

i'm up late, working, bored, and would rather be doing something else than trying to be productive at midnight. also trying to do something besides eat the rest of the pan of the most amazing lemon bars i've ever made that just happen to be sitting on the counter, charming me with their delicious tart sweet goodness. so, to distract myself from mindlessly consuming 34,000 calories, instead i was trolling the 34,000 pics on my phone. i found a few of my munchkins & our assorted random outtakes.

there's no drama in our house; no, none at all.

a simple truth about parenting

it never fails.

after a few hours of 

screaming 

yelling

and a lot of this sort of action:

i am ready to throw the towel in on parenting.

i feel like i can maintain calm, rational, loving parenting for only so long... 

through only so many meltdowns, screamfests and temper tantrums, 

and then i kind of tailspin from patient and kind mommy into a power struggle with small humans.

i end up trying to convince my daughters that they should listen to me,

stop attacking each other or steal each other's toys,

stop screaming long enough to actually listen to what i am saying;

you get the drift.

it can make for some very long days, these small people with big opinions.

i know it is all a part of them coming out of their cocoons so to speak; 

it is their way of growing up and learning boundaries and appropriate and healthy ways of being,

but that doesn't mean i don't want to throw in the towel some days.

and then?

it never fails.

after a morning of screaming, crying, and tantrums and sibling selfishness,

just as i am ready to mail my children to uzbekistan,

they do a 180 and suddenly morph into loving sisters, attentive daughters, and delightful human beings.

JUST as i am at my limit- actually, sometimes a bit past my limit.

and moments after being DONE with all that falls into the mommying category,

my own precious girls woo me right back in to adoring them.

with one sweet little hug or smile or sister moment i am right back into loving being a mom again.

it kills me.

they are so freaking smart those little people.

(don't you just want to eat them up? i do.)

goodness

sometimes it is easier to recognize the rough spots than to celebrate the little moments of beauty & joy.

grateful for little bits of goodness in my week:
*my daughter sound asleep until 7 am
*sitting on the couch & talking to my husband after a long day
*little m saying these words in a sentence "like when you are chilling in the hot sun..." (um, what?! how old is my child?)
*ripe strawberries
*20 minutes on the phone with a very dear but too far away friend
*a new stack of library books

plus...

*surprise visits from friends

*laughing with my girls

*spring blossoms

*finishing taxes!

*a walk in the sunshine

*freshly baked cookies

hope your day has smatterings of goodness throughout!

hot off the presses

i have some new cards out!

i'll try to get some good images and post them, but in the meantime you

you can see what they look like here and here

you can buy wherever papyrus cards are sold or at independent retailers nationwide, 

or buy them online from papyrus (right now if you buy three cards the fourth is free)!

who doesn't like a real piece of mail in their mailbox instead of an email in their inbox?

two measly hours? yes, my friends. i speak truth.

i like sleep.

this is me,

willing my daughters into snuggling in bed with me for a while 

so i can pretend-rest longer on a saturday morning.

i usually try to sleep (i don't know if one could actually call it sleep since i have small humans mounting me and using me as leverage to bounce off pillows) like this for as long as possible.

(husband secret took our picture with my phone this weekend. he is so tricky.)

it lasts, you know, like 5 minutes.

and then we are all some varying degree of awake

(me the least in case you are curious) 

and 

i attempt to keep them in my bed so that i don't have to leave the bed. 

i won't lie, it isn't the world's most successful plan.

or the world's most comfortable plan either.

(but my girls sure are cute)

anyway,

this past week i've been working on prepping our taxes for our annual tax appointment. matt and i each have more than average complex taxes (me because i am an independent contractor, and husband because his salary is partially a housing allowance and i have to track every single expense connected to that or to other work expenses.) so together they = complicated and time consuming - and that's just to prep them! it always takes forever and is extremely daunting, even though i have my little systems worked out. 

long story short, i thought i'd finalize everything this weekend, but due to circumstances beyond my control, i didn't. so last night, after getting home late-as in 11 something- from our friends' house, i sat down to finish plugging in figures, collating paperwork, and organizing everything for our tax preparer.

(note: i realize that just maybe i shouldn't have stayed talking to our friends so long. and also perhaps i should've started organizing our records a month ago instead of a week ago. i know the no sleep action is partially my fault. but no, that will not stop my sleepy tirade)

i finished at 4:17 am.

in the morning.

as in two hours before i was supposed to wake up 

to clothe, feed, dress, prepare snacks & lunches and drive my children the hour to school.

awesome.

so after two hours of shuteye last night -or this morning if we are being accurate-
guess what i need?

sleep.

sleep without little people using me as a human jungle gym.

under-the-covers-dead-to-the-world-kind of sleep.

drool on your pillow and you don't even care that your entire face is wet sleep.

but being honest, it isn't going to happen,

(two children awake and not napping=no nap for me)

so instead i blogged

in the hopes that the exhausted moms out there would hear my cry and say,

"yes! sleep! it's awesome and rare. but dang, girl! you deserve it."

here's to a group nap.

who wants to join me?

please forgive any grammatical, spelling or nonsensical errors in this post.

i am delirious.