{good but hard}

confession: i have been a lazy blogger as of late. but i miss this little space, so promises for more + more often.

little m is now rocking 14 months! (well, as of a week ago, but since we are on vacation i have been a little slow about blogging.) meanwhile, in her version of reality, she thinks she is 14 years old. she does not seem to lack spunk, independence or feistiness; i swear i don't know where she gets those attributes from, since matt and i are such passive and unopinionated souls.

so much of a journey since last april: learning, perservering, figuring out how to go with the flow, laughing, discovering our daughter's personality and temperament, memorizing m's pain cry, her tired cry and her hungry cry... and the journey continues. 

i honestly feel like for the first time since little m was born, life is back to normal. this may sound dramatic (and you know, i have been known to be dramatic once in a long while), but really, truly, life is easing back into a place of rhythm and normalcy. 

life since last april has felt like one curveball after another: newborn; newborn who has hearing loss; ok, make that newborn who is deaf; lots of wading through appointments, fighting insurance & the school district for little m to get her implants and services; the craziness of hearing aids; very painful dissolution of my parent's marriage & the continuing aftermath; cochlear implant surgery; recovery from surgery, activation of implants and learning how to do the daily routine; estrangement from my dad; essentially gutting my parents' house and redoing it for sale....and now, here we are. 

14 months later. 

i love my daughter. life is good. and the past year has been a reminder of truly just how much joy can push in and squash darkness. my daughter makes me laugh. a lot. and i love watching her develop into this silly, quirky, headstrong little person. 

one of my favorite things this past month has been watching her play with my friends' kiddos. ah, the next generation, already wreaking havoc. it's pretty fun to watch, although we may all rue the day that we let these kids bond. i feel like they will be plotting secret and above the law adventures for years to come. letting them become friends now just hastens the craziness, but it is too much fun to watch them play. 

here she is with judah and micah. 

she looks bored, but that's just to throw me off.

let the mayhem begin!

here's to the next 14 months!

here's to life being normal.