Wednesday, September 5, 2012

it's a big day around here

here are my two cuties.
my two cuties who are growing up way too fast somehow.
yesterday was m's first day of mainstream preschool.
she came here two days a week last year, while she still went to her deaf school so it isn't completely new for her. she has some friends there, and she knows all of the returning kids.
but in my mind it's the big leap into all regular, local preschool.
the night before school we were driving in the car and 
i ask m if she is excited for the first day of school.
from the direction of her carseat, a little voice says, "i'm not really excited. i like ps (her deaf school) better. i miss all my friends at ps. i want to see my friends at ps. can we go visit them?"

i was surprised, and i realized how abstract the concept of finishing at one school at beginning at another has been for her. she has only ever known driving down to that other school, and so how could she really comprehend life without making that trek multiple times a week?

by morning she was excited to go, 
so at least for now her pangs missing friends were alleviated.
this year ruby begins going to school two days a week, 
so this morning was her very first day of school ever!
at first i was kind of not thinking it was that big of a deal; after all, in some ways it's been like she has been in school since she has been with me at m's other school since she was a newborn. but suddenly i felt this kind of panic realizing that my baby was going to be gone at school! i can hardly believe she is big enough. there is no denying she is ready...on tuesday halfway through the morning she told me i could "drop her off" at school and come back later. um, ok.

since school is now so close to us, we walked there as a family. one of those throwaway moments that is also somehow magical, twenty minutes that will burrow themselves into my heart's memory - walking with my little family, and our girls taking turns who they are holding hands with, their little backpacks almost as big as their little bodies. 
ruby was so excited to start the day and then got a bit timid as we got there.
as soon as we got into school
ruby ditched me.
she ran off to the play kitchen, and then discovered the snack station, 
a spot she apparently occupied for almost half the morning. 
(why i am not surprised?! snacks while someone reads you books? 
that's pretty much ruby's paradise)
when i came to get the girls they were happy as could be,
wanting to stay longer to play,
and exhausted. 

two girls in school.
m is going four days a week,
and ruby two.
that gives me two mornings a week to work in my studio.
it feels like a big thing, 
a huge transition for me as much as for my girls
since even when m was a baby we were headed to appointments and school and therapy. 
this is the first time in years that i have a window of time (granted it is only six hours, but still) 
to work, think, and paint where my kids are not either sleeping or being watched by someone else (either matt or a babysitter). 
the first time where i have a sliver of time for more than just freelance work.
the challenge will be for me not to fill the time with other errands or coffee dates or to-do-list items, but to keep that space sacred for my own work.
it's the beginning of a new era,
and at least for today it's a mixture of scariness, excitement, anticipation & a dash of the bittersweet thrown in.
(you are here)


  1. woah, reading this i got the chills. weird right? but it seems like we all lived thru the sleep deprived, helpless infant stages of constant needs and attention and parenting. and while they still need parenting, they are grown up enough to go off for a few hours a week - and you get...You back. it feels like a big transition for everyone. love you!

    1. i know- it's crazy. jw was kind of like a part time job, so all of a sudden i'm like, "um. oh yeah- artists make art so now i get to make art action and get my crap together." love you too. and for the record everyone, i love comments too!

      new branch gets a gold star today, redeemable in treats.

  2. two things: 1. that picture of the matching pajamas killed me. KILLED ME WITH CUTENESS.
    2. Yes! keep those hours studio sacred. for you. i love that you have that now.


  3. Ruby and snacks for 1/2 the morning in a school setting sounds pretty typical to me! ;)

    1. right?! i thought you of all people would appreciate that. poor thing, she can't steal ella's food anymore. ella probably has ptsd when it comes to ruby's snack attacks.


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