row, row, row

{here we are rowing a boat in the middle of a park in rome last fall.} 

{i appear to be so purposeful and knowledgeable in this photo, but i actually took us in circles for a good twenty minutes until matt ever so kindly obliged and took over the oars. the kids in the boat nearby did a better job of navigating the choppy manmade lake than i, a grown woman, did. pitiful.}

{i am headed for the rocks...}

today in little m's therapy session we sang row, row, row your boat to her after she ever-so-deftly figured out how to scoop a little toy boat out of a box with a lid on it. of course, her instant response was to stick the boat in her mouth and eat it, as she does with all things that she gets into her little pitty paws. so, she snacked on the plastic boat and we serenaded her. i'm sure the three of us (matt, her therapist and i) looked ridiculous, all sitting inches from her, smiling and singing row, row, your boat as she sat staring back at us, totally unphased, noshing on the boat. 

sharon, her therapist, was singing enthusiastically and making the rowing motion, and matt and i were supposed to join in. i sort of started singing and attempted to make the rowing motion, but all of a sudden i was thinking- i am such a faker! 

who am i to be singing about rowing a boat? 

let me tell you what i do when given oars of any sort and a boat: actually, i don't even know what i do, but whatever it is, it doesn't work. i row in circles, or backwards, or into the side of whatever body of water i am attempting to move through. 

all i know is that in 1995, when i was working at a summer camp, i somehow mistakenly got assigned to "teach" three activities over the course of the summer that i should never have been even allowed to visit, much less be in charge of:

• soccer. hello, i made one of the kids be the referee of the game, because i know none of the rules. i didn't even know how many people should be on each team. i just turned it into a world cup championship and got away with it by singing a lot of soccer songs. (sorry, husband. i know this lack of knowledge must be appalling to you when soccer ability courses through your veins)
  
• the BB gun range. um, considering the fact that only 4 years before, my younger brother had been shot in the head with a BB gun and almost died, this was not the ideal place for me. oh, and that i didn't know the first thing about teaching how to shoot a BB gun, much less want to shoot a BB gun. (they let me switch out of this activity, good thing. those poor kids would've been pretty disappointed if i had been their counselor for that activity. i think we would've just drawn pictures on those cool paper targets instead.)
• boating. i swear the kids did better at rowing than i did. so maybe a lot of the boats ended up stuck along the bank throughout the week. so maybe one of the other counselors ended up giving the campers pointers instead of me. it's about the journey, not the destination, right?

anyway, my sheer mediocrity at steering watercraft came rushing back at me this morning as i flailed my arms and sang the song to my sweet little girl. good thing i can draw her pictures of boats. and sing about them. who needs to actually row a boat? not me.