(the days are long)

the days are long, but the years are short...

(have you seen this video? 

i remember when my friend hannah posted it a couple of years ago. you can put it on mute to watch; the sound isn't necessary)

last night i went out to coffee and dessert with amy and nancy (aka my roommates)

and we were talking about, amongst countless other topics, being moms.

the reality of parenting vs. the ideas you've held about what your life would look like

& how many kids you'd have.

i always thought i'd have 3 or even 4 kids. 

i'm the oldest of four, and despite the inevitable sibling drama,

i loved being part of a big family.

as my poor siblings can attest, i've been a little mommy since i was little m's size.

now that i am a mom (legitimately and not through being the eldest,) i love it. 

i love every stage so far, 

from right out of my womb to m's independent almost-3-years-old.

i don't want it to race by, 

even though there are days that i feel like i've been steamrolled 

by a collective 45 pounds of energy, need, and whining.

i make a lot of mistakes, and half the time i don't know what i'm doing, 

but almost every day i feel like i am doing what i am supposed to be doing, 

even with all the personal sacrifices and losses 

(i.e. an uninterrupted phone conversation, furthering my artistic career, painting all day, sleeping in-much less sleep all night, or wandering the grocery aisles aimlessly.)

i love being a mom.

part of me still imagines having another little person in our family.

some days i can't imagine not inviting another child into our family,

other days i have no idea how we'd manage.

i have two amazing and wonderful daughters that keep my hands full all the time.

it's already so much harder with two than it was with one 

to juggle parenting with marriage, work, other relationships...

so, i don't know.

i really don't.

i feel like a little battle wages inside of me with different hopes & dreams, at each other with fisticuffs, and i'm just hoping it all sorts itself out.

meanwhile,

i'm grateful for both of my daughters,

and the gift it is to be their mommy every day.

today 

ruby is 10 months old!

likes: rolling all over the room to get around, 

grabbing anything and everything to explore via hand and mouth,

being held any chance she can get,

24 hour snuggle,

the opportunity to nurse at anytime,

pureed carrots, banana, squash & tofu, giggling with little m.

dislikes: not being a part of the action, 

pureed asparagus & peas, 

solo time, 

sleeping without being swaddled, 

bathtime,

sister stealing her toys,

sleeping through the night (killing. me. ruby, time to sleep!)

love. her.