friends with history

today is my dear friend amy's birthday, which makes 34 years of being in this world and spreading her laughter, passion, comedic timing, charisma, faith and wisdom with those of us lucky enough to share the same space with her. these days, and especially living in the bay area where people are often transient, it is rare to have friends that share years of history. i have found though, that it is these people who make my world. in the moments where i feel like life is closing in on me, on the darkest days, when your body is racked with laughter, in the mundane, it is these friends who are by your side. and if they aren't there, there is no one else you want sitting next to you.

amy and i went to college together, and then lived together for the six years after college with nancy and a couple of others, before getting married. amy, nancy and i were the constants at "benevides", the moniker for our house in oakland. over the years we have shared thousands of crazy ideas, private jokes, tearful confessions, difficult talks, heartaches and celebrations. so maybe some our plans over the years haven't happened - we didn't run off to washington d.c. to live after college, we never quite made it back to the camp where we worked summers to revolutionize it and bring new life into it, we never made it into the police briefs (although we tried), the coffeehouse we dreamed about hasn't materialized, the book we were writing about the single life didn't get into a publishers hands. 

but we have sat with each other and wept. we have sat in silence because the hurt ran so deeply. we have toilet papered houses. we have interrupted each other constantly while telling about our days. we have suffered through each other's trauma boys before finding the men who would become our best friends. we have belted out our favorite lyrics on roadtrips. we've gone through bad haircuts and even worse fashion trends. we've shared the mirror getting ready in the bathroom in the morning. she sat waiting as i labored for hours with my first child. walked down the aisle and stood at my side when i made vows til death do we part. made up after a fight. carved pumpkins and decorated christmas trees. written each other the emails that have gotten us through the longest days.............

and sang happy birthday to each other for almost half of our lifetime. so happy birthday to you, friend...

among other things, i have become a woman who can endure hardship with more grace than i knew possible, laugh when my joke gets repeated more loudly and better by you, and who learned how to communicate and deal with conflict- in part because of you.

here is to all of the friends in our lives who make us better, kinder, wholer people.